Irma LaDouce’s off the internet dating adventures have managed to entertain me once again. She was invited on a cruise with her daughter to the thousand islands… on Bert’s boat ironically called “The Ernie”. She’s the tiniest thing and has all this energy about her so she comes in the morning looking like she got a little sun and not as perky as she usually is. So I casually ask how her weekend went and she
goes : Oh it was awful!
N I go: oh? The cruising with the attractive man wasn’t all it was cut out to be?
She goes “oh god... I get on the boat he’s fantastically dressed in a linen suit.. A LINEN SUIT SAND-E do u know how linen catches the wind? Its dreamy! “
I’m looking at Irma a little perplexed… “ aha yea definitely linen and the wind… completely…”
I had no freaking clue what she was on about! Is it a good thing or a bad thing ?
LaDouce: “It was completely white he had everything perfectly matching. Freshly cut flowers everything.
I’m standing there doing the Titanic thing looking in his eyes thinking bout how I want him to kiss me when I notice that his hair isn’t blowing in the wind. It’s a rug! And really Sand-e you know I’m not superficial and yeah ok it’s not the world’s most attractive thing but I think meh… it beats a Donald trump comb over. Then I look closer and I notice he’s got foundation on, the mole on his cheek is penciled in and his eyebrows are plucked to perfection. I’m a little confused by all this but think nothing of it. I lean in to kiss him and he backs off and says.
“‘Irma, what’s my name?”
so I say “bert” and re-lean in to kiss him when he goes “No Irma, my name is Bertha”
HAHAHA poor Irma was nearly in tears when she was telling me the story.
She goes “I haven’t been out of the dating loop that long! How could I not know?”
What do u say to someone who has just been on a cruise with a woman who is in the process of becoming a man but meanwhile is attracted to you?
I hugged laDouce and did the only thing I could do in a situation like this. I lied like a Persian rug! “It’s happened to at least 3 of my mothers friends. They look amazing it’s not your fault honey”
3 comments:
Hahah...poor poor irma! Umm....I think i know the linen suit thing...dont ask me why...but I can sorta picture what shes goin on about...but umm, the hair situe made me think for a moment: "egyptian hair"....hmm, oops, I think I spoke outloud....
Cinimini, Dude her name is IRMA! you think she's dating an Egyptian woman wana be man? Do those even exist?
Plus, If being my friend has taught you nothing then let the reference to my hair's indianess serve as a witness in favour of egyptian hair!
What's Da matta for you?! huh?!
some people's children man!
Haha...uh oh, I hit ze eGyptian nerve...hmm, but I guess thats always inevitable with my mouth. Hmm...well sand-e, you 'sez' it right there yourself...tis the 'indianess' of your'Hindi' the way I see it.
You think 'they' do exist?
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