Procter has no gamble on my ramble

Slurred and broken nonsensical but real
I am told and I hear… but I lend a deaf ear.
The words do nothing.
No power to move mountains.
No euphoric high.
No butterflies and absolutely no hope attached.
Those three words tucked away, muted and restrained by reality
only now unleashed by the loss of inhibition.

I can not echo the sentiment nor turn a blind eye.
To you these words are genuine.
So genuine they are…
they are the sounds and letters that bear no weight.
The dal segno al coda brings with it, you think, a sure road to empathy and a sure way to make me see.
But I’ve been in these shoes before. I’ve stood behind these walls in the cozy of my own.
I’ve heard many come and go.

I cherish the words… but can not let them in.
Apathy and guilt however, are an entirely different sin.
Come in have a seat… but be sure to outstay your welcome.
I am angry and I am jealous!
I want to posses what those words have given you.
I want to bask in their glory and give in to the lack of control.

Circumstance is a shitty thing.
And a brain that recognizes it all is shittier still.

There will be no screaming for ice-cream today!
I can not live atop your sugar coated mountain lined with candy apple trees and shaded by your pink cotton candy clouds.
I will not suffer the pains of reality and later bear the crushing weight in order to temporarily frolic in denial.
I will not dance to out of tune keys and grimace at the lack of harmony.
I need rhythm and I need rhyme.
My mind needs to support my heart and my soul needs to absorb the beauty of tandem.
The soothing sound a white noise I will not do without.
I need that circle to exist and need it to exist for you.

So forgive me when I am told but do not hear.
And forgive me when I smile and lend a deaf ear.