Retention no more

My brother and I used to play these games when we were little in the car to keep us entertained. One of those games was to hold our breath the entire length of a cemetery. We’d turn red and grasp onto the car seat and window as we watched the tombstones go by. It was a challenge. Each of us holding our breath in and desperately trying to beat the other at a game we’d deemed a notable cause. There’s all this mental work involved before you take the deep breath. You slow down your breathing and think I’ve gotta take as much air in as humanly possible and retain it for as long as needed. You inhale and hold not trying to think about how much longer you’ve got but focusing on the fact that it’s a do or die sort of situation. The graveyard would pass and in a great exhale all the air would rush out. We’d gasp for a bit but would smile with glee none the less as the words “I won” shimmered in our eyes. We’d do this for all sorts of things. Train tracks… the rule was to keep your feet as high off the ground as possible without allowing the bumpy tracks to make you loose your balance. At the pool it was how many laps you could run without taking a breath, my personal record 2 laps and a half. At the amusement park it was if you could keep your hands lifted through the biggest dip on the rollercoaster. All these things have a few things in common. A challenge we’d placed on ourselves, a big breath that would need to be taken, a dramatic release and finally a high from being able to let go. After writing my test last night it hit me again. This was one of those things, not exactly as much fun but similar nonetheless. There is this big inhale in the form of information retention, a holding on till the test then the quick release of all the information as I frantically wrote away hoping my memory wouldn’t fail me. The fun part in all this was by all means the high from being able to let it go. Until about 12 pm last night I was on a high…. From what? From the release. And so perhaps my accounting test, the graveyard, the rollercoaster, the train tracks and the pool have taught me one thing… in order to feel the high of letting go I’ve first gotta make the decision to hold on, challenge myself no matter how silly and later reap the rewards of conquering it and letting go.