On being girlie and such

Reason to rejoice for being female.

1. The inexplicable joy found in a brilliantly shiny coat of fresh nail polish.
2. The choice between shorts, pants, skirts, dresses, overalls, t-shirts, blouses, tank tops, tube tops, halter tops, flip flops, stilettos, boots, penny loafers, slip-ons and sneakers.
3. The option to add color to ones cheeks or bring out the color of their eyes.
4. The satisfaction of knowing you have an unsurpassed threshold for pain but are ok with sobbing shamelessly should you feel the need.
5. The ability to multitask.
6. The ability to function on minimal sleep.
7. The ability to make things pretty.
8. The natural mastery in the soothing powers of being tactile.
9. Experiencing the miracle of having something grow inside you.
10. Having a purse that contains something for any kind of emergency. Wet wipes for sticky situations, a tide pen for messes and spills, a book in case of severe boredom, candy in the case of low blood pressure and last but not least a pen to write the words “help me” should you find yourself in a taxi cab that refuses to stop.

Reason’s to curse the day you discovered you had no Willy.

1) Hair removal and the male’s inability to understand just how painful this damn process is.
2) Body parts that manage to get in the way each and every single time you hope, pray, desire whatever you spill misses you on its way to the floor.
3) Having to pee sitting down
4) Never knowing the feeling of having someone bounce off your chest, should u decide to take that approach, without having them smirk lamely when you step up to them and go “don’t mess with me”.
5) Knowing that the inevitable end to having something grow inside you is having to force it back out again but with the added perk of it being a gazzilion times bigger. Think Water melons and lemons.