Femme Fatale

She was everywhere… Buzzing like neon...
I couldn't escape her or brush her off. Denial was doing me no good either. Abandoning one venture and taking over the next to avoid a clash, a show down, a competition that was unannounced. A competition to which I had enrolled myself without entirely being sure why.

And it was as though all my paths led me to her. Indirectly but inevitably with her at the end.

I didn't know her.
I knew of her. I knew her through a subtle jealousy I hated myself for having.
I knew her through a conversation I did not hear but put together by watching her interact with the world from a distance… Perfectly poised smiling with nothing but pleasantry in her eyes. Arm movements that emphasized a conclusion based on a point she made more precise with her gestures.
Facial expressions….Facial expressions that spoke volumes. She laughed lots and contagiously so.
She spoke with a confidence that came with just enough self doubt to make her human.
Human…A person like all the rest…Filled with insecurities we try to over power, negativity we try to offset with whatever we can muster up and a love for life we try to fuel with all that surrounds us. But I can not see her in this light.
I WILL NOT see her in this light.
I will not empathize and put myself in her shoes. I will not be my own devil's advocate. Why? Because its safe being here... in the cozy of my unattached world… nestled in the warmth of my own thoughts.
It's a whole lot easier to create conspiracy theories when you have no proof otherwise. Delve into your theory with an attempt to provide yourself with concrete evidence for the your conclusion and chances are you'll see it crumble.

Especially when....
its based on nothing but emotion.

The one thing you deeply want to know will inevitably be the one thing you won't be able to prove. So...
you keep your distance… I KEEP my distance.
It is because of this distance that I am at ease...

but then the world and all those in it conspire against you.
The stars line up in just the right formation and before you know it you're sitting across the table from her in a quaint little coffee house sipping on a latte. Exchanging compliments...
Chatting….
Laughing….
Listening...
Empathizing...
Sympathizing....
Bonding
and
Confiding….
And some where between your internal battles and the initial awkwardness mingled among the chit chat something happens. Unmarked, unannounced and undefined but it happens.

she becomes human.
someone with all the characteristics that make people people...
like sincerity... a trait I find extremely endearing,
vulnerability.. a necessity for demoting her from the once glorified pedestal I’d placed her on.
and last but not least naiveté... a naiveté that touched my soul in ways I couldn’t fathom. It was this naiveté that made me feel ever soooo silly for having felt threatened by her ever at all.
And now its nothing but smiles... I welcome her with nothing but hugs and kisses..