My unwritten letter

Before you I was wide eyed and a believer. Unjaded. A proud advocater of that ever illusive Utopian state of love. Much like the painters perfect hue, I too could see beauty. A third eye of sorts, looking at the world through glasses that allowed me to sense and recognize feel and indulge in that cliched but infinite emotion. I paraded around with my shining yet awkward armor of naivete that seemed to irk most. It was my sense of pride and only form of self actualization. love and be loved. My heaven on earth consisted of nothing more than you me and a requiem for us to engage. I gave you my heart at the expense of my sanity. Continually denied of stability and assurance i never once questioned your intentions or moral character. your Houdini acts of appearance and disappearance only added to the fury with which i craved you. I treated each encounter as though it were our last and hung on to your ability to inspire me despite the facts. Convinced that true love was unconditional I dismissed your ill actions.

I do not know why the heart loves the way it does nor why you of all people were able to move mountains within me.
My only solace I suppose, is that I am a lover of words and you are a most skillful poet, euphoric in their delivery.

I want to be angry at you for not telling me your truths but I know I did not pry enough for them.
I want to be angry at you for making me feel like prying would make you run but I know I did not have the courage to face your absence.
I want to be angry at you for not being more careful with the emotions that seemed to overwhelm me day in day out but know that they were only so severe because they were mine and entirely subjective.
I want to be angry at you because you stripped me of a soul mate but can not deny that you have taught me a life lesson.

I want you to know that these events shook my core, my essence my being in ways i never thought possible.
I want you to know that I was the one who allowed you to have such a strong hold on me and that i have decided to release myself of it all.
I want you to know that I am glad that this was the extent of your damage because i don't think i would have been able to stand if I were in her shoes. I want you to know that I will not allow you the privilege of making me regret loving you.
I pray a day will come when a man can do what you have undone and undo what you have done.