Coruscating light

Something about the way light dances on wet surfaces that screams out fantasy land. Plain stillness choreographed perfectly. All lines of reality blur and mesh into one big breath taking fuzz or color.

Bound By Me

I am a child of the 80's.
I can not fathom the true meaning of the word kamikaze and I can not say I have been in the shoes of those driven to crime by hunger.
I do not know the dark harshness of poverty and I wasn’t allowed the bliss of ignorance.
I am educated and I am opinionated but I am not free.
I am creative but I am stifled.
I have thoughts that are housed outside the box but are contained by the chains of my capabilities.
I am an arab and I know for a fact that arabic is an expressive language, yet I can not orchestrate in words the symphonies of beauty that my language affords me.
I have stars in my eyes and a thorn in my side.
My thoughts raging and my imagination volatile but my tongue muted... not by censorship and not by oppression but by inadequacy.
I’m well versed yet suffer the restrictions of my vocabulary.
I am fluent but still the power that my pen possesses in English becomes nothing more than a want...
a desire..
An aspiration to manifest lines that are eternal not because they provide answers but simply because they are echoed through the sands of time... because they are read... memorized... repeated and are a magnificent testimony to a glorious language. I yearn to create pros and stanzas that move mountains. I am filled with expression and no way to materialize them. How do you portray what dreams my come if you don not know how to sleep?
And so you see...
I am not free...
I am bound by me...

Psuedo Poem

Expression becomes me
I write whole heartedly

letters become words
words become birds

cluttering the pages
fluttering in rages

sentences noting nothing worthwhile
a futile attempt at literary style

loonies!?!

Who calls a part of their currency a loonie anyways? you sort of have to say it to yourself and think about it to get what i mean. "I had a loonie here" ... i keep getting visuals of rubber walls and an oh so radiant bleach white straight jaket... a compliment to my tanned skin... but really! Canadians will swear its in homage to the loon… but ask any Canadian when the last time they saw a loon or even so much as know what it is and you’ll fully understand what I mean. It just makes me want to repeat the phrase “one flew over the cocoo’s nest” over and over and over again.. not because it makes any particular sense but just because I like the way it sounds out loud… If anything there should be a tribute to the geese.. there are so many of them casually roaming the streets and parks of Toronto. So many they could form a union...I can't help but be a little creeped out by them. Think about it... all it really takes for things to get ugly is a wrong look... a pissed off goose with a bad attitude and some friends around... and with all the stereotypes out there in relation to birdbrains no one would ever guess! It would be the perfect crime one that would never lead to any suspision...Hitchcock was soooo onto something! They just casually walk around in parks looking at you like... "did I invite u in? yes I’m rummaging through the garbage! do u mind? you're blocking the sun!".
I've gotta give it to them though... its hard to pull off all that grace and confidence when they're so low down on the food chain... but as the world turns.. lions are caged in zoos and lo and behold the geese are ruling suburbia.l... I bet if they had little cartoon bubbles popping up over their heads I’m sure they'd read things like "I am all that and a bag of chips!"
The thing I’ve noticed though is they've become so used to living in the city and mingling with the immigrant folk that they've grown a bit of arrogance... I mean there you are in the park on lunch just reading your book doing your own thing when one of them catches your eye and you look at them then inevitably take a look at your sandwich and think "hey maybe i should share" so they you throw a piece of your sandwich and they look at it and look at you and look at it again... and bloooop another bubble pops up "what do u think i am? A duck? feeding me toast? If its not buttered baguette then don't waste my time" And poof in an instant you've gone from the caring sensitive sharing human you are into this imbecile... and you catch yourself thinking... I'm so stupid how could that have slipped my mind... they're geese...they're of a different standard completely...
you laugh but I’m serious! they're influencing all sorts of high society... people with all sorts of power...
come the new year...
car manufacturers are looking for inspiration from nature to give to their demographic and all of a sudden goose poo green cars are the must haves of the season! course they don’t call it goose poo green they call it apple green.. and some where in the distance when the commercial is going off... u see a bubble pop up over the head goose's head and reads "Hey... we inspired that! we should be getting royalties!"and the union is meeting somewhere by a lake where some other poor shmuck is attempting to feed the geese crackers and the main bubble reads... " good work guys... we've gotta keep up the good pooping job... at the rate we're going maybe we can inspire the blue jays or the leafs to reconsider metallic goose poo green jerseys" and a not so bright goose will think " what about the raptors?" only to be snapped into reality by a slightly smarter goose who says "dude their jerseys are purple... in a city full of blue... its like convincing an avid Kmart shopper to buy a Fendi hand bag…there is just noooooo concept of style! But rest assured the gap will catch on and market scarves at$99.99 in the season's greatest color. You guessed it! majestic lime!" and soon we notice that the geese, with their" i am the cream of the crop with mentalities and the deep belief that thier tooo goood not to be recognized for it..." are all now smirking with smug pride... and bubbles everywhere read "we took a shit.. and they were inspired!"
ITS LOONIE I TELL YA LOOONIEEEEEE!

Lack of Drama

Sitting here at work completely blown away by how useless my education has been up until this point. I browse through other peoples blogs in the simple attempt not to stab myself slowly with a dull pencil just to prolong the suffering process. Someone once said "I hurt myself today to see if I still feel.. I focus on the pain the only thing that's real!" not just anyone.. Jonny Cash and later on Nine inch nails...I wonder if that theory is true at all? that as humans we need this jolt of something completely negative in our lives to make us realize that we'veve got it good. Think about it! when there is a disaster people become so much more spiritually and humanely intune. There's nothing like a serial killer on the streets to make an otherwise fragmented community stick together. Everyone watching out for everyone else... walking each other to their cars... doing all that's in their power to travel in groups. It's the same with earthquakes, avalanches floods and droughts.., for the brief while where havoc is wreaking its course and the media is covering the issue people across the globe connect. It is the means by which we remember that we are human. Insignificant in the scheme of the universe and not so indestructible after all! We seek meaning from intangibles... The car we drive and the price of our watch seem useless. We realize that no matter how smart a speciesas we are... we are not god... we are not mother nature... we are not the ultimate power.. and so we gather clothes and supplies and give them to those in need, we stretch every penny a little further just so we can donate.

Basically shit needs to hit the fan so that we can smell the stink and see the mess before we realize..oh wait...I like things this way! The lack of drama is a blessing in disguise.

Ramblings at 3

I am Sandy’s inner voice. I am the sound of illogic and reason. I am her id suppressed by her ego and superego. I am what makes her angry and what makes her smile. I am the tears fueled by her in ability to make things right… I am the worry… I am the need… I am what can not be complete… I am the basics of her existence… I am hunger… I am sleep…. I am shallow not to deep…

The world and its forces

The World aspires against you in the most profound ways...... sometimes all that is in your power is to either take it with a grain of salt and smile or wallow in self pity. Today i choose self pity.