Friday, March 31, 2006

Sobs 'N Sobs Later...

The sun will rise from the west,
The clocks rewound
The Sun dials will dance to a beat of a routine forgotten
Epilating the electrons of my inner workings
Their iron grasp depleting
The powers of the black hole resisted
Exfoliating the layers of self pity
Sealing Corrosion out
Proactive not retroactive
Nostalgia left behind.

Tuesday, March 28, 2006

Nostalgia all round

I associate certain memories with a certain smell…. and its the oddest things tooo... The smell of teenshoky(prickly pears) for example takes me back to a hot summers day when I was about 12. My brother ,cousins and I had just gotten our allowance... We'd always been taught that team work works miracles so we decided to put all our money together ran down to a guy selling the exotic fruit on the street. He kept peeling them and we kept popping them like they were candy... We must have had at least 10 each.. and I remember feeling smug with the thought that all this happened cuz we worked together... the fact that it probably wasn't the smartest collaboration of funds and effort didn't quit hit home till I saw the shock and horror in my grandmothers eyes when she heard… she shook her head and said… you guys are going to have horrible tummy aches! No one eats that much teen shoky in one day! Then she sat us all down and told us the story about how the fruit is basically the marketing plan for the seeds. There is a hidden propaganda in having a fruit that sweet...

I remember slipping and sliding on the tiles in front of our house on a different summer day. My sister was soo tiny we put her in a big plastic garbage bin and filled it with water… My god if the number of good times that involved that green hose were countless! she splish slpashed for hours… I can’t remember much else about that day except the way she was beaming with sheer joy and how her hair was glistening in a bronzy brown when it caught the sun.

I remember walking into my parents’ bedroom where tiny Naty had fallen asleep waiting for my brother and I to get back from boarding school. She jumped out of bed when she heard my voice and hugged me so tight. Corny as it sounds but it was then that I truly understood what it meant to cry tears of joy. Thinking back now i think somewhere deep inside it was from the fear and relief that after having been gone for so long she hadn't forgotten us.

I remember being about 7 and playing house with the neighbors son. “Mummies and daddies kiss... *long pause* we should kiss..."I thought for half a second sighed and said "yeah ok whatever.."I remember thinking... This is so lame.... why do they do this?!

I remember the way my grandma lost that light in her eyes when my grandpa passed away…. I remember the phone call that came to the house and the way my mother couldn’t stand after she heard the news. I remember how she later told us stories how she'd feel him pray beside her after he'd passed away and how it scared her.

I remember how my grandpa sat me down next to him and told me never to forget him. How he told me that age will do a lot of bad things to people and that we had to hold on to the good moments like these. He said “il kalam ily ba2olholik dah yemkin matefhamishoosh delwa2ty… bas iftikry ghayet matekbary w te2dary tefhamy” he kissed me and kicked me out to play... that was the last time I saw him.

I remember playing with Sam and Sheila both baby orangutans. I remember holding Sam’s hand as we were walking along and thinking my god.. he’s just like a baby.. hands eyes nose face… a lot hairier but still a baby… Sam and Sheila grew too strong for us to take them out of their pens the next summer... we still visited and watched them play for hours though

I remember seeing anger in my fathers eyes when he saw that I’d started to cry in a crowded bookstore. He asked me why I was crying with such tenderness and concern and without even responding he’d known what happened... He asked me to point to the man and before I could raise my arm he had the guy be the collar… “What gives you the right to touch innocent children this way?” the man begged and apologized but I thought my dad wasn't having it... “don’t beg me!” he screamed… “did you not think it was ok just because you weren't gonna get caught?!” and then… the man said… “Please sir… I have a family to feed..” it was then that he let him be… “think of how you would feel if I did such a thing to your daughter…. I will let you go only because I do not wish your daughter to know what a disgrace you are… ” It was strange that such a public display of aggresssion/kindness could end up being such a prominent memory from my past.

I remember going up the stairs to our building in Egypt, climbing out a window and onto the roof of a neighboring store and thinking I was invincible. I visited that same spot on my last visit to Cairo. It was such a small insignificant height off of the ground and the neighboring roof was a couple of inches away… How something as simple could give me such a feeling was mind boggling.

I remember riding my bike with my brother in the garden when he hit his head on the corner of an air-conditioning unit. I remember he was perfectly fine till he saw the blood on his hands.

I remember gas masks, tape on sealed windows, water coolers, hand powered radios, stored food and the sirens of war.

I remember T-shirts that said I survived Dessert storm

I remember video tapes of bombs that looked like fire works

I remember trampolines and marshmallows by the fire.

I remember tether the wild horse my roommate attempted to tame and show.

I remember my friend sobbing "I killed my horse" when tether reared, made Mandy loose control of the reigns and got her hind hoofs tangled in them only to land on her tail bone.

I remember a yodeling concert in the dessert where the clear sky was the perfect canvas for each of the strategically placed stars

I remember My brother sister and I in matching sweat suits

I remember hockey games across the boarder

I remember Marching in unison on a summer’s day

I remember Shiny black boots, Ties and uniform

I remember food fights in the mess hall

I remember that I used to remember

I remember skating on the Charles in Boston

I remember walking for a cure with my 8 year old sister and taking the subway back

I remember slush puppies at Harvard square

I remember Walking to school through Harvard and sitting on the steps at lunch.

I remember Jazz Ensemble

I remember the Sax

I remember Drama class

I remember Twelfth night

I remember Meringue by the pool in Cuba

I remember a conversation in Italian with a complete stranger

I remember Diving into the deep end

I remember buying clothes from a thrift store by the pound

I remember the Monet and the Picasso at the art gallery

BUT Someday... I also want to remember

The Sights in Venice
The Colors in Turkey
The Textiles in Morocco
The Smells of India
My mummy’s scent
My father when he was my father
My grandma’s laugh
My Grandpa’s wisdom
My Other Grandma’s youthfulness
My sense of accomplishment and determination to get there
My comfort with silence
My girlfriends
My uninhibited laughter
My conscience
My sense of creativity
The sound of someone's voice as they say my name
My hearts ability to hold a million and one things

Pretty Pretty

"Loving you is a like a song I replay
Every three minutes and thirty seconds of every day
And every chorus was written for us to recite
Every beautiful melody of devotion every night
It's potion like this ocean that might carry me
In a wave of emotion to ask you to marry me

And every word, every second, and every third
Expresses the happiness more clearly than ever heard
And when I play ‘em, every chord is a poem
Telling the Lord how grateful I am because I know him

The harmonies possess
a sensation similar to your caress
If you asking then I'm telling you it's yes
Stand in love, take my hand and love God bless" ~Lauryn Hill & Bob Marley

Friday, March 24, 2006

Ricoh Colesium in for a surprise

Amr Diab is in town, it should be a nice end to an anticlimactic week.
It dawned on me that I’ve been in Canada too long when the reason I’m excited is because I’m looking forward to the chaos rather than the concert per say. Parking should be a good time… loads of honking and people being obnoxious and loud while blasting the kind of music that they think will attract the opposite sex…

If only the delusion was true:
Listen to the right kind of music and you’re bound to get laid!

Each and every crowd member thinking he/she is gods gift to the universe. I can see it now… teenagers with their gel drenched hair and a bit of their brand spanking newly acquired hairy chests exposed just enough to showcase their big silver chains that hang maps of different arab
nations. Middle aged women in their best of the best… pretending like it’s a sahra back home. A lot of these women will not dress to feel good but simply to impress… they know people will be watching and appearances need to be upheld. The grandmas and grandpas dragged along just because they’re too senile to be left alone only to be seated behind some rambunctious twenty somethings who can’t keep their bums glued to their seats from the excitement. The Gido’s and nana’s will be shaking their heads and telling them to sit down cuz they can’t see. And off course a hand full of people will arrive at the venue with flags and will be waiving
them in the air… Clash of the Titans… The dabka intermingled with the khaleegy and of
course the balady.

Wednesday, March 15, 2006

New in the world of me…

Today and for the past 3 months my job has been to purchase a photocopier. Simple enough one might think, I’m not even purchasing it really I’m leasing it. My boss comes up to me and goes: “We need it not to break down, and to staple, sort and hole punch” I figure ok not a problem… I can do some research make up some pretty graphs and done…a gazzilion offers later… I am a photocopier guru… anything u need I’m your woman… I know it all from copies per minute to added network support to printing to sorting to faxing to fucking flying across the office showering all the naïve employees with rains of paper… If you want your copier to sing and dance... I’m the woman to guide you through it…. Plug in a cable here press this and that button there and your copier is doing the salsa… nooo?! You don’t like the salsa… the muchata perhaps? Not a problem…. A tweak in the instructions and you’re set!

Either way… its been a bitch of a project… so FINALLY today I’ve got my pretty colorful graphs my eloquently worded business case, my quotes, my price comparisons and a rock solid argument that the copier I picked is the one that’s right for us… All I need is a signature… A simple twitch or jerk of the wrist and the living hell that I’ve called my everyday can now… at long last... end… My manager flips through the pages…. Seems impressed with the aesthetics of it all… she’s going hmmm uhuh… yeah ok… and just as she’s about to sign she goes… but I’ve heard bad things about X company… lets not go with this one … lets go with Y instead… And I’m sitting there absolutely awestruck at how simple it was… just like that… all the research all the time spent actually trying to get the best for our needs and dollar… gone… pooof… flew out the window… and I think.. “I thought It was called a ‘competitive process’… why are we making these companies think they have a chance at getting our business if at the end of the day someone is just gonna waive their hand go I like that one!” Now you see…. I’m presented with a moral dilemma… My research shows one thing and she wants me to go with another…. Do I do what she says and thank god that the project has been taken off my hands? Or do I kick up a fuss and defend my copier to the death?! It irks me… growing up you’re always taught this isn’t fair that isn’t right…. And when you’re out in the real world what happens? The fabric of your moral code is shot to shit with something as simple a copier! A FUCKING COPIER GODDAMN IT!
Why the act? Why the need to teach us wrong from right? Why not just tell us listen this is how we’d like things to go down but frankly speaking it’ll never happen! Soo this is the stuff u need to know…. We as a species suck! We crowd our children’s brains with morals rules and ideas just to give us something to do… Think about it! What would we do with all our free time if we didn’t concoct crap like this up….?!? UGH!

Friday, March 10, 2006

Ten things I hate

1) I hate that my cubicle doesn’t have a door... it would make nap time so much more comfortable

2) I hate that many bad women drivers have given the rest of us a bad rap

3) I hate that it’s taken me 3 days to get through 50 pages of a supposedly easy Arabic read.

4) I hate that Denture gum and lightly flavored water exist.. Denture gum just tastes like baking powder and flavored water tastes neither like water nor like the flavor it claims to taste like.

5) I hate that Quebecers sound like they’re constipated when they speak French. I wish someone would just ease the worlds pain and unplug the butt plug.

6) I hate mirrors unless involved in some kind of optical illusion/ sexual fantasy.

7) I hate posers, snobs and vindictive people.

8) I hate fluorescent lighting it makes everything feel sterile.

9) I hate that I have an amazingly good life but not enough wit to recognize it.

10) I hate that I have nothing better to do right now than come up with this oh so lame list.

Wednesday, March 08, 2006

...

Pitter patter pitter patter
Silly giggled laughter

Deep sighs, wide eyed
Fears subside, romantic tries

Once jaded broken and tarnished
A glimmering sparkle relinquished

Can aspirations redeem all that is lost
Melt away a familiar cold jack frost

Beaming beaming beaming light
The soul illuminated in its plight

Jimmy chocolate coming soon
Unable to transport me to the moon

Cross Atlantic sounds are chipper
Letters and jargon of mental clutter

Random ramblings meanings unclear
Wanting chaos and order to adhere

Shimmy shimmy shake and prance
Lahh dee daaa deee da in rhythmic dance

An end foreshadowed perhaps confound
If nothing more a friend found

Wednesday, March 01, 2006

The Happenings of a Bureau Wednesday…

9:12 am email goes out to Deenz & Cerise & Lamoushka
Subject : my sentiments exactly!

David Letterman's Top 10 Drawbacks to Working in a Cubicle
10. Being told to "think outside the box" when you're in a freakin' box all day !
9. Not being able to check e-mail attachments without looking over your shoulder.
8. Cubicle walls do not offer much protection from any kind of gun fire.
7. That nagging feeling that if you press the right button, you will get a piece of cheese.
6. Lack of roof rafters for the noose.
5. The walls are too close together for the hammock to work right.
4. 23 power cords - 1 outlet.
3. Prison cells are not only bigger, they also have beds.
2. The carpet has been there since 1976 and shows more signs of life than your co-workers.
.....and the Number 1 drawback to working in a cubicle :

1. You can't walk out and slam the door when you quit.


Prompt Corteous cute Lamoushka responds with

yep...everyday I feel like writing a little poem...Ode to my Cubicle...

10:31 Deenz answers with a wonderfully quirky email to Sand-e & Cerise… she’s the one always giving us these “thoughts” making us see things from a different light.

on the upside you can curse out every single person in your office while on the phone...and when they ask you what the hell? you can just say "excuse me! I was having a private conversation, were you eavesdropping? what a terrible violation!! i'm appalled!! tsk tsk."

10:32 Cerise responds in magnificent minimalist style… we’re convinced that the soup Nazi from Seinfeld is a founder of her corporation…. Its affected her morale on a stellar strength crap load. Everything is grey and dull in cerise’s office life but we love her anyways.

Unless you're not ALLOWED to be on the phone (Insert a Smiley pointing fingers at his forehead signaling kaboom to the brain here)

Deenz, again the connoisseur that she is responds with.

in such case do same with your imaginary friend..and just add "are you nuts??!!" to previous sentiments - problem sloved :-)

Sand-e touched by the love and support and misty eyed at the heart breaking thought of Deenz’s departure to a far off land where mushy peas are an actual delicacy responds with…

wa7ashtoony ya banat!
I feel like stuff is missing when I don’t see u now... you're like the morphine to a subway accident survivor. You make the reality that I have "one arm, one leg and incapable of walking or lifting" a dull insignificant fact. you take me to that happy place...If I were sober I’d definitely do something to myself... your friendship keeps me sedated!

In the midst of all this Sand-e rings Cerise up only to offer alternatives to her festering itch to quit.. The sausage strapped to her belt, I suggest, might contribute to the negative propaganda and stereotype associated with Muslims these days but really it is like dotting her I’s with soccer balls… Makes a bold statement or better still will greatly increase the possibility that she IS in fact insane and in turn the likelihood of getting fired. In layman’s terms…all this boils down to A severance package!

Cerise Sighs and suddenly exclaims.. Whats with Deenz? Why’s she so happy?
Sand-e : Happy? Why whats going on…
Cerise: yeah her email… it’s a “good” day…
Sand-e: what email? I never got an email… how come I never got the email… sniff sniff…
Cerise: dude you’re on the to box… she sent it to you.. you just work for the government you’re slow remember?
Sand-e: no man… I didn’t get it.. forward it onto me!
Cerise: Hmmmm Oddd!

I receive an Email.. it simply reads…
you can still hop and wave...it's good day! i miss you too girls xxxx
eirie silence takes its toll… Shakespeare used nature to forshadow…Cerise and I use Deenz…Is this an indication that perhaps the end is near? Where is Cynical Sarcastic increadibly sweet Deenz? What if this shift in the sands of her mood is a prolific sign of all that’s to come? Where does that leave Cerise and I? How will we think without being fed the thoughts? How are we expected to operate as separate entities? This is sand-e fresh out of thoughts signing out waiting for the brain feed.