Ohh how I hate the Cowardly Hit and Runner!

Big slick is looking a little impaired with his scratched, slightly dented back bumper. He’s still as sexy as ever but needs some attention so that he doesn’t feel neglected. Feeling guilty about not having protected him from the harsh world around him, I washed, turtle waxed, vacuumed and polished him as soon as I got the chance. His new car smell is slowly fading and is being replaced by a squeaky clean scent. I’m a little worried that these things usually happen in shots of three. With two down I’m growing anxious and worried with the anticipation of the arrival of the third. I might have to be forced to bust out ruby red and cycle about for a bit till big slick receives all the right TLC at the dealership. ‘Course nothing is for free so the cost of Big Slick’s royal treatment will inevitably mean my rape. Hopefully my deductible isn’t as high as I think it is and perhaps just perhaps the freaking insurance will cover it! Stupid Fuckers! They get so much out of me but do I ever see any of it back when I need it?!
SHAME ON YOU!
Did you say yes?!
Reality is knocking at the door and it says LaLa land has left the building! I can hear the insurance agent laughing somewhere in a distance at the suggestion that I pay insurance specifically for times when shit hits the fan. Does he not smell the stink from where he’s sitting? Surely the fan gives him more than a whiff of it?!

Update: So I mighta been a smidgen harsh with the insurance folk... I called them up after the fine people at the dealership told me that Big slick's spa day would not only cost my left arm but right leg as well. A life time lacking the ability to applaud and loads of hopping on one leg flashed before my eyes. Corey, the man whose children I'd promised to bear after he'd delivered the good news laughed at how giddy i got when he said he would waive my deductible. Not only is my car being fixed entirely by the insurance company buttttttt I also got a free rental in the mean time and should get the car back in 2 days. How sweet it is!