The tummies, birthday balloon and cupcake sum it up nice

It’s been a year in October now, they’ve all moved on and though I haven’t literally moved… my seemingly static life has changed in a gazillion ways. The tight knight comfort pillow they once provided for me is now gone and all that is left is nostalgia. I miss them dearly… and think of them probably a lot more often than I imagine they do of me. The thought that I’m doing this alone, creates a knot in my throat and fills my eyes with tears. I hold back as best as I can but decide to let go when my radio station conveniently yet ever so dramatically plays a song that brings back yet another memory. She sings “I tried to tell myself you’re gone.. but though you’re still with me I’ve been alone” and visuals of distant far off lands and how things slowly but surely went sour consume me. I can not call them up and tell them all of this, I’ll fall apart…cry it all out and sob about how much I miss them and my greatest fear is that it won’t resonate with them the way it does in my heart...
I miss you guys.
I miss the random photos of feet….
The hysterical laughing and talking for hours on end about nothing and everything all a once….
I miss the sunflower fields…..
I miss laughing at the three hour speech to sponsor a mosque all in Turkish…
I miss body jamming…
I miss commenting about pretty earrings complemented by beautiful colored peshminas.
I miss the word “doooode” randomly placed in sentences
I miss the sarcasm
I miss the great big cups of tea
I miss the pleading to take photos and the joking around about fear of tabloids.
I miss rainbow colored beads that remind me of Sudan when I’ve never been to Sudan….
I miss insisting that the van needs steering wheel fluid to make the noise stop.
I miss making bets to see if she’ll run or not…. I miss her looking back and knowing we’re laughing at the way she runs.
I miss learning the phrase “are u taking the piss?”
I miss loitering at random coffee houses.
I miss baby pictures and screeching expressions of “mimi”.
I miss knowing that should the need arise, I have a go to person for movie trivia.
I miss arguing about entourage dude not being the jack and Jill dude.
I miss “a ooo eeee uuuu” ing in Montréal.
I miss pretending to be on a tv show outside moxie’s and the elbandarado commercial…
I miss shebshib sized shawermas..
I miss poooouuuutines
I miss the book of horoscopes
I miss screaming not to open the sink cabinet in fear of infestation.
I miss singing drumming and dancing to a song whose lyrics leave nothing in my memory but the way the word “shobraaaaa” is pronounced
I miss $5 dollar garbage bags to protect us from the rain.
I miss Canada day in Ottawa.
I miss dawlat getting all hissy when we didn’t turn on her command.
I miss laughing by the sphinx after Bedouin soundclash…
I miss knowing that the order at jacks would involve some sort of spring rolls, fries, burgers and chicken fingers.
I miss being taunted about picking the wrong movie.
I miss sharing beauty secrets about silky smooth black hair
I miss the way we were in the black and white photo of our tummies, the birthday balloon and the cupcake.