Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!

8:37 I made it in to the office just in time to get a cold stare from good old Jerry the receptionist. I’ve totally decided that Jerry is so in the wrong business. I think he was kidnapped from one of those military camps that secretly doubled as a hooked on phonex commercial… “b rrrrr ennn daaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh mooooo rrrrr iiiiiiis sssss please call 5862 breeeeeeee ennnnn ddddd aaaaa hhhh moooorrrr iissss please call 5862”. He’s the sort of fellow that makes people answer a page just to get him to stop calling their name. Rocking back and forth in the fetal position on the floor they go… make it stopppppp make it stopppp. You’d think he’d get bored or put two and two together and figure you’re out of the office if you don’t answer after the 5th page… la ya lolooo la! laysa howa tilk al rajol! He’s the sort that perseveres till the end! And not the smart sort of perseverance either… He’s the kind that walks into a glass door and keeps walking into it just because he doesn’t stop to think that perhaps or just maybe the bump on his forehead is indicative of the fact that he’s not Patrick Swayze from ghost. Jerry my love, you need to open doors to walk through them! I bet you people have gotten fired because of his incessant nagging over the PA system. I’ve tried to make my peace with jerry. He works like clockwork… and follows rules to a t. yeah ok he blushes and gets all awkward when I joke around with him but when he really to each their own. I’ve managed to deal with his need to teach me the rules of being at the lobby and his need to maintain order at all times. I keep wanting to shake him silly… DUDE RELAX!
The other day I come down to pick up a package and so instead of waiting my turn after all the “customers” were out of his hair I buzzed myself in… picked up my package and left quietly. Later on that day I get 7 messages on my phone from jerry sounding like he’s hernia ting and in dire need of surgery. “Hi sandy this is Jerry from reception(like I’d confuse him for some other hooked on phonex Jerry) please call me back its crucial” I kid you not… he left me 7 messages within the span of my lunch hour. I get back to my desk and of course think there is a calamity that has befallen him. I run downstairs dually noting where the gurney is should the need arise for me to tow him to the hospital. I ask “what’s wrong? Is everything ok?” He casually looks at me and goes “you had a package here. You musn’t buzz your self in without informing me first. The hand book says blah blah blah blah…you musn’t this u musn’t that …section this states section that states. I look at him nearly about to choke him but force a smile because I totally understand that this poor guy probably hasn’t been laid in years and really all that build up makes a person anal. How can I possibly blame him? After all the rambling about “Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!” I’ve just remembered that my point in all this was to vent about why my morning was a bee with an itch but I’ve now lost my umph to do it hardcore. Soooo…..Softcore it is.
First off um kalthoom (my alarm clock) decided not to sing this morning and so I basically got up in a state of hysteria instead of my usual state of wondering “ana feen wel 7ob feen”. So I started off running around like a headless chicken thinking it was 7pm and that I’d slept through Tuesday morning all together. I must have made 3 unsuccessful trips to the washroom before it was finally my turn in the queue. My toothpaste ran out so I had to use that shitty apple kind…. How do the good people at crest expect me to get that minty fresh squeaky clean feeling without the mint?! The taste of my mouthwash clashed with the crap apple wanabe toothpaste and I unintentionally found myself hugging the toilet looking at last night’s dinner! Which, according to my cheeky sister, was lacking garlic. If it weren’t for the chastity belt that my father back in the home land held the key too I’m sure I’da been hyperventilating about possibly being pregnant. WTF is all that about? No clue myself… random crap that comes to me out of thin air… anywayssssss I managed to shower in nearly half a second but slipped on my way out and rammed my shin on the corner of the tub. I got stuck behind 2 school busses and wanted to run over a mother that was keeping the second bus waiting as she tightened the scarf around her obviously roasting son. I nearly slammed into a tow truck who decided on a whim it was ok to pull out of a gas station at full speed. I stopped at every single traffic light from my house to the office which made the trip take a whopping 20 minutes instead of its usual 7. I am running in when I loose my shoe in the middle of the parking lot and have to limp back to get totally allowing me to fully fathom the feelings of a dog with its tail tucked in between it’s legs. Like the looser that I am I walk in and think 7 minutes…. Not bad… maybe no one will notice… but alas I’m greeted by good old Jerry with that look of “I’m onto you and I’m not amused” on his face. There was this stare down for a couple of seconds as I tried to figure out if he’d been publicly announcing to the world that I was running late on the PA system and while he gloated in the glory of knowing that had he really wanted to he possessed that kind of power. I smile and break the silence with a “CRAIIIIIIZEEEEEEEE morning Jerry crazy morning” He smiles because he thinks he’s intimidated me into giving him an explanation and I smile because otherwise al inte7ar or murder are the 7al.