Poca Loca

I’m convinced I’ve got some kind of behavioural / Obsessive compulsive disorder…or simpler still a syndrome of sorts… I’m pretty sure if I look hard enough I can fit in somewhere… While Georges Gilles de la Tourette aka the guy who is accredited for discovering tourettes syndrome would have a hay day with the way I twitch when I think of anything closely related to Irish cream I’m not so sure that would be my preferred syndrome of choice. And even though practically every single person I know has an Obsessive compulsive ritual in their lives I don’t think OCD would be it for me either… I want something with a little more “spunk”… a touch more zest and drama! I am Egyptian and after all anyone will tell you that even though we claim to avoid it , “it” is inevitably in the adenines, guanines and thiamines of our DNA. I hardly know anything about mental disorders and so ehhh.. what the heck… lets edumacate me about something as I write. I have this deep routed belief that people will say anything around you if they think you’re in capable of processing it or better still they’ll allow you to see so much more of their personalities than they would the average person. So first I thought maybe OCD… “the doubting disease” as one website called it where basically the person is both obsessive and compulsive to extremes. The O for obsession is defined as follows: Obsessions are recurrent and persistent thoughts, impulses, or images that are experienced as unwanted, intrusive, and inappropriate. These thoughts cause marked anxiety or distress, and are not simply excessive worries about real-life problems. And the C for compulsions is defined as follows: Compulsions are repetitive behaviors or mental acts that the person feels driven to perform in response to an obsession, or according to rules that must be applied rigidly. These behaviors or mental acts are usually aimed at preventing or reducing distress or preventing some dreaded event or situation. Importantly, the compulsive behaviors are generally not connected to the worrying thought. For example, a child may be plagued with an obsessive worry that if they don't turn the light switch on and off perfectly exactly 32 times, he will come home to find his dog slashed and mutilated.
All this is fine and dandy so lets see now…do I fit in? obsessive.. yeah I can be that sometimes… I do have a habit of making my car beep 2 or 3 times as I walk away from it just to be sure its locked. But then again I have been driving an old school Audi that had what I was convinced was a possessed radio. It would turn on according to its own whim only to blast static! Although the fact that the heated passenger seat switch was broken made for some interesting ass burning experiences, its perfectly understandable that I’m a little giddy with my new baby! I don’t know that that qualifies though… and plus everyone knows about OCD… I want to be in un-chartered territory… something people won’t know and so I’ll have to explain to them and hence more fun with the social experiments.
So OCD and Tourettes aren’t it… what of Schizophrenia? The term "schizophrenia" translates roughly as "shattered mind," and comes from the Greek word σχίζω (schizo, "to split" or "to divide") and φρήν (phrēn, “mind”).+ People with schizophrenia often suffer terrifying symptoms such as hearing internal voices not heard by others, or believing that other people are reading their minds, controlling their thoughts, or plotting to harm them.
But then there’s a fine line between serious illness and the theatrical production I want to put on! The solution? A Tweaked form of all these disorders combined? Do the twitching from tourettes, The internal voices from Schizophrenia, the mutilated dog bit from OCD and ohhh I don’t know lets throw in another couple of interesting ones I found. Narcissistic Personality disorder* aka known as all that and a bag of chips disorder or simply My shit don’t stink disorder. Whose symptoms I discovered border along the “pattern of grandiosity, need for admiration, and sense of entitlement.” Or the Sexual Aversion Disorder* / the wanna be Matha Mary disorder whose symptoms are of “persistent or recurring aversion to or avoidance of sexual activity.” But with the combined effects of nymphomania, which oddly enough isn’t a disorder I could find defined “scientifically” anywhere, would make for a great deal of stress for the voices from the schizophrenia ...
And last but definitely by no means least… Trichotillomania*.. MY ABSOLUTE Favorite of the batch…where “The primary feature of this disorder is the recurrent pulling out of one’s own hair which results in significant hair loss”. Typically occurring before adulthood, studies demonstrate that between one to two percent of college samples have this disorder or have had it in the past.”
And sooo there you have It.. what exactly? Not really quite sure But… I Betcha didn’t know that anyone of us could ever so easily have one disorder or the next if we truly have your hearts set on it. So I guess what all this means is that the next time someone looks at you like you’re loosing it just nonchalantly smile and go.. “ yes I’m going crazy… want to come along?”
+ from wikepedia.com
* from allpsych.com

Big Papa Hoos!

Surfing the Egyptian blog scene its apparent to me that every Egyptian has a political opinion… and though most of them might have a point to some extent I’ve come to the conclusion that its just a matter of liking the sound of their own voice or rather the aesthetics of their fonts… but that’s a whole can of negative energy beans I’m going to avoid today… All this surfing brings up all these images of old people… from saba7 to Hosni. A lot of these guys should really be hanging out underground… The 6 feet under lounge or something… But joking aside… They are looking pretty damn good for their age… I mean Hosni is what like 78 now? Check the man out!

Dude deserves some kind of a medal… his hair hasn’t changed color since he’s been in office! Does the wonderful world of henna have anything to do with all this I wonder? Or is this just one of the many perks of being a self proclaimed Demi-god? Shouldn’t Big papa Huse not have any hair at this point in the game? I mean really all those 3asaker lining every single street he ever enters should technically have him sitting on edge… each armed with a baton….enough ammunition to have their way with them if they just listen to pinky’s plan to take over the world. Narffff… Leave it to hair transplants (zar3 sha3r) to make gido look like he’s got a Luxuelle head of hair! Ok so maybe the hair transplant bit might be a bit too harsh… not every Egyptian is destined to be bald…. But come on! Guy plays squash on a regular basis! SQUASH! We all know that all that crap they tell you about hitting the ball hard enough makes it bouncier is a load of galvanized BS! I’m a third of the man’s age and I’m gasping for air just at the thought of a squash game let alone doing it on a regular basis!
In my books… Hosni’s done well for himsel in the physical appearance department… And yeah he may not be 100% natural but man be looking good! Truth be told...If my grandpa wasn’t such a loving awesome man before he passed away I’da definitely attempted to hook my granny up with him!

In the arms of the beloved

"There is a place where words are born of silence,
A place where the whispers of the heart arise
There is a place where voices sing your beauty
a place where every breath carves your image in my soul" ~J. Rumi

The Joy Of "E"

Six Sexy E's:

1) Ebullience
2) Euphoria
3) Epiphany
4) Epicurean
5) Eureka
6) Ecstasy

So very Quiet on the western Front!

Day four:

It’s quite now….
Eerily quiet….
They got Larry last night….
It’s just a matter of time before they come back for me…

The diary of a valentine chocolate with the yucky apricot cream filling.

As much as I’d love to take credit for this… It’s not mine… It was a hallmark shoe box card I saw on my way to the Fererro Rocher aisle.. Mmmmm Chocolate!

What if?

What if women were as easily turned on as men?
What if all it took was a guy with the right kind of butt or chest?
What if the whole guy girl thing was as simple as a suggestive glance?
What if both males and females were as equally satiated by their visual perception?
What if it was just about procreation?
Reckless recreation at best.
What if it wasn’t about mental stimulation?
What if it wasn’t about security and emotions?
What if it wasn’t about the need to connect with someone on a non-sexual level?
What if it wasn’t about selective chemistry?
What if?
Well I’ll tell you what if…
In one word… Mayham
I think the world’s best interest is founded and based on the misunderstandings and miscommunication that are a predominant part of the interaction between men and women.

It is population control.

It is the means by which family lineage is preserved.

It is the restraint that keeps every Tom, Dick and Harry from being related and keeps family trees looking like trees and not just a tangled fisherman’s net.

It is a gift in disguise.

Profound Proclamations and Cerise.

On this quiet Friday afternoon, I as I often do, chose to discuss matters of profound importance with an esteemed friend. The all round girl banter took a rather interesting turn however, when she pointed out that at our age we handle more responsibility than the average Egyptian girl/woman and that because of that it only makes sense to expect the same of the opposite sex. The male complex of commitment should really have an expiry date. Being my usual instigative self I said that that’s all fine and dandy but within reasonable limits… like for example… you may be ready to be in a steady relationship and commit to its responsibilities but are you for example ready to be a mother. And just like that… cerise… my playful young at heart amie went from being a kido to a full fledged all grown up life sized inflatable adult Cerise…. Without giving it a second thought she said something that meant she was ready to have Eden at her feet… She could wake up tomorrow and be a mummy and know with all her heart that she’s ready. And that was it for me… there I was looking like this… ..
Maybe its me and not the world... I thought oh god!

I’m one of those people stuck in an age group but refuses to grow up… I'm the 40 year old women with the tiger print mini skirt and the teased bleach blond hair with so much hair spray in it the heat from a light bulb would make for a colorful pyrotechnic show. My mother keeps looking at me and making comments like "embrace your womanhood Sandy!" And I suppose if its only about dressing for the part then I imagine I wouldn’t have such a problem… I’m all for Halloween... But deep down inside I Know its my indecision... I stand in front of the fridge at the convenience store and can't decide if I'm in the mood for a fruity drink or a carbonated one for what seems to be an eternity. And if its not indecision then it might be my inability to do everyday stuff and enjoy it… Even though I've been extremely good the past year and have managed to put on one or two yummy dinners, One can not forget that at one point in time I managed to burn SOUP! Who burns soup?!
I have a hard enough time trying to take care of myself half the time... how could i possibly be ready for motherhood? So I pay my own bills, I have a steady job and I’m attempting to save for something big but… the thought of a poor little mini me... Being entirely dependant on me? I mean think about it… if baby gets diaper rash its because I didn’t use the right kind of talcum powder… If baby gets an upset stomach its because I fed baby some steak at the age of 3 months… I get cold sweats at the thought!
If I am to be a mummy I want to know that I will be a good one! It’s so easy to mess a person up! Yeah sure “lolo” might seem like an appropriate thing for you to call your oaf of a son at home but at a high school football game… things could get pretty dramatic for the poor fellow real quick!
I don’t think the whole thing can be attributed to me being emotionally handicapped… I love kids but really... Isn't that sort of because i can give them back at the end of the day? Ifatfirst… you can relate to this… you spend a big part of your life with at least 12 4th graders. I’ve heard you say that when you come home you just can’t talk anymore… that the instructing and being calm and collected all the time drains you… what if they were yours? What if they were keepers?
All in all I don’t know what it’ll take to make me think I’m ready for mummyhood but for now… I like that my only worry is about what kind of cereal to have in the mornings.

How do i Kill me... let me count the ways.

So even though suicide isn’t an option in my books the thought does often cross my mind… and I’m always thinking if I ever decide to do its got to have style and flair. People won’t remember why I killed myself but simply that I did it with alota heart! In true homage to the whole “its better to burn out than fade away.”

So I’ve decided to think of all the wonderfully wonderful ways one could terminate one’s life… by the by…The use of the word one to refer to oneself should be one of the many indications that one needs to indeed commit suicide and end one’s life. Assuming of course one is not her majesty the queen of something rather. And so without further ado let the fun begin.

1) A shower in liquid nitrogen and a trust worthy friend to push u off of a really high building shattering your frozen stiff body into a million bits of uncollectible glass.

2) The good Old run off of a cliff and linger in mid air for a bit only long enough to waive good-bye then plummet into an abyss followed by a cartoony sound effect.

3) A heart attack from eating way too much funnel cake at a theme park.

4) Diving into a tantalizingly blue ocean when you don’t know how to swim only to realize you’ve been swallowed by a whale and that you’re attempt to commit suicide really didn’t work out and that all this just simply reconfirms the fact that you truly do SUCK.

5) Having your head filled with hot air to the point where your ego is about to burst, being stabbed a million times with what appears to be a dull pencil/some veterans war stories… all the same effect really and finally being set free into the dark sea of your sadness (please note the not so subtle use of symbolism here :P) only to find that you’re sinking because of all the lead marbles you’ve been carrying around in your underpants to give off the illusion of bigger package.

6) And finally saving the most dramatic for last, pointing a gun at the side of one’s head at an interesting enough angle to ensure that a white canvas catches all the bits. Have someone let it sit to dry somewhere and before you know it you’ve got art deco at its best! The color combination of crimson and white is the IKEA thing to do!

Quote de jour

Wit is educated insolence -Aristotle

Casanova has a point?!

I went to see Casanova last night. Though it was an extremely typical first date/ teenage movie it attempted to address an important issue. The connotations of love from a monogamous vs. polygamous perspective. The proposition was that promiscuous relationships are a different form of love. The explanation lay in the idea that each encounter stands on its own, yes sure it is short lived but for its brief lifespan it is encompassing, unique and genuine. A thought experiment began to fester in my head and questions like ‘What then can be said of a person that strings many “love” stories together? Having some overlap and coexist… Does a person need to Love only one person to be labeled as “in love” or can statements like “you aren’t in love you simply love yourself” be made?’ The logic here is that a person who continuously chases the momentary feelings of bliss does it to satisfy ones own need for affection/ attention vs his/her inability to do anything but succumb to the emotions provoked by a specific person.
Wikipedia defines love as “acting intentionally, in sympathetic response to others (including God), to promote overall well-being.”
Acoording to this definition it is safe to assume that both polygamous and monogamous people are capable of being in love. The fact that sally will soon be replaced by Jane or that Derek is the centre of his Emily’s universe is irrelevant to the definition of the word. And so under what pretense is it that people are quick to label anyone who has had multiple partners as selfish? I think the key lies in the disassociation of the physical acts of love from their attachment to a specific person. Participating in the rituals of love does not entail their disattachment from practicing them with a specific person. What am I trying to say in all this? Well I guess it boils down to the idea that the word love has many meanings and if to Casanova it means the small moments linked together to fill in each second of each day with a different girl then so be it. And If to the hopeless romantics like myself it means attaching it to a rumbly in the tumbly that only a specific person can give you then so be it as well. I say to each their own and just because my definition of love is different than someone else’s doesn’t mean I should let the only exercise I get be jumping to conclusions. Live and let live!