So even though suicide isn’t an option in my books the thought does often cross my mind… and I’m always thinking if I ever decide to do its got to have style and flair. People won’t remember why I killed myself but simply that I did it with alota heart! In true homage to the whole “its better to burn out than fade away.”
So I’ve decided to think of all the wonderfully wonderful ways one could terminate one’s life… by the by…The use of the word one to refer to oneself should be one of the many indications that one needs to indeed commit suicide and end one’s life. Assuming of course one is not her majesty the queen of something rather. And so without further ado let the fun begin.
1) A shower in liquid nitrogen and a trust worthy friend to push u off of a really high building shattering your frozen stiff body into a million bits of uncollectible glass.
2) The good Old run off of a cliff and linger in mid air for a bit only long enough to waive good-bye then plummet into an abyss followed by a cartoony sound effect.
3) A heart attack from eating way too much funnel cake at a theme park.
4) Diving into a tantalizingly blue ocean when you don’t know how to swim only to realize you’ve been swallowed by a whale and that you’re attempt to commit suicide really didn’t work out and that all this just simply reconfirms the fact that you truly do SUCK.
5) Having your head filled with hot air to the point where your ego is about to burst, being stabbed a million times with what appears to be a dull pencil/some veterans war stories… all the same effect really and finally being set free into the dark sea of your sadness (please note the not so subtle use of symbolism here :P) only to find that you’re sinking because of all the lead marbles you’ve been carrying around in your underpants to give off the illusion of bigger package.
6) And finally saving the most dramatic for last, pointing a gun at the side of one’s head at an interesting enough angle to ensure that a white canvas catches all the bits. Have someone let it sit to dry somewhere and before you know it you’ve got art deco at its best! The color combination of crimson and white is the IKEA thing to do!
2 comments:
How about using a vomit enducing drug combined with a laxative that has this written on the box: "be seated before use" , a humorous but respectable -and rather disgusting- way to die
A subject I havent given much thought to. Hmm, my bud van Gogh took a revolver to his head in a champs de ble at Auveres. No easel, no red and white canvas to record the moment...but a death marked in the pages of art books forever more...and 'on that starry starry night, you took your life as lovers often do'
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