Profound Proclamations and Cerise.

On this quiet Friday afternoon, I as I often do, chose to discuss matters of profound importance with an esteemed friend. The all round girl banter took a rather interesting turn however, when she pointed out that at our age we handle more responsibility than the average Egyptian girl/woman and that because of that it only makes sense to expect the same of the opposite sex. The male complex of commitment should really have an expiry date. Being my usual instigative self I said that that’s all fine and dandy but within reasonable limits… like for example… you may be ready to be in a steady relationship and commit to its responsibilities but are you for example ready to be a mother. And just like that… cerise… my playful young at heart amie went from being a kido to a full fledged all grown up life sized inflatable adult Cerise…. Without giving it a second thought she said something that meant she was ready to have Eden at her feet… She could wake up tomorrow and be a mummy and know with all her heart that she’s ready. And that was it for me… there I was looking like this… ..
Maybe its me and not the world... I thought oh god!

I’m one of those people stuck in an age group but refuses to grow up… I'm the 40 year old women with the tiger print mini skirt and the teased bleach blond hair with so much hair spray in it the heat from a light bulb would make for a colorful pyrotechnic show. My mother keeps looking at me and making comments like "embrace your womanhood Sandy!" And I suppose if its only about dressing for the part then I imagine I wouldn’t have such a problem… I’m all for Halloween... But deep down inside I Know its my indecision... I stand in front of the fridge at the convenience store and can't decide if I'm in the mood for a fruity drink or a carbonated one for what seems to be an eternity. And if its not indecision then it might be my inability to do everyday stuff and enjoy it… Even though I've been extremely good the past year and have managed to put on one or two yummy dinners, One can not forget that at one point in time I managed to burn SOUP! Who burns soup?!
I have a hard enough time trying to take care of myself half the time... how could i possibly be ready for motherhood? So I pay my own bills, I have a steady job and I’m attempting to save for something big but… the thought of a poor little mini me... Being entirely dependant on me? I mean think about it… if baby gets diaper rash its because I didn’t use the right kind of talcum powder… If baby gets an upset stomach its because I fed baby some steak at the age of 3 months… I get cold sweats at the thought!
If I am to be a mummy I want to know that I will be a good one! It’s so easy to mess a person up! Yeah sure “lolo” might seem like an appropriate thing for you to call your oaf of a son at home but at a high school football game… things could get pretty dramatic for the poor fellow real quick!
I don’t think the whole thing can be attributed to me being emotionally handicapped… I love kids but really... Isn't that sort of because i can give them back at the end of the day? Ifatfirst… you can relate to this… you spend a big part of your life with at least 12 4th graders. I’ve heard you say that when you come home you just can’t talk anymore… that the instructing and being calm and collected all the time drains you… what if they were yours? What if they were keepers?
All in all I don’t know what it’ll take to make me think I’m ready for mummyhood but for now… I like that my only worry is about what kind of cereal to have in the mornings.