Wednesday, May 31, 2006
--------------> ? <--------------
I drive to the edge of my considerate plain and appologise to all i hurt on the way. I attempt to remain independantly happy.
Maximus Hypocratis
After Loads of contemplation I think I’ve finally come to the decision that if I ever need to resort to an alternate sexuality I think I’d choose bisexuality. Increasing the number of available sexual partners shouldn’t hurt my game. I’d be pickier and a little more scrupulous when picking my partners though. Homosexuals seem to know what they want as opposed to the varying whimsy of the bisexual.
Tuesday, May 30, 2006
Single Serving Friend 3
It’s amazing how a single encounter with a person can linger in your memory for ages after a brief but significant exchange of pleasantries. I have had a decent number of these in my life, each of which has taught me a lesson I keep safely tucked deep inside, but I want to share three of these stories. This is the second in a series of three.It’s amazing how a single encounter with a person can linger in your memory for ages after a brief but significant exchange of pleasantries. I have had a decent number of these in my life, each of which has taught me a lesson I keep safely tucked deep inside, but I want to share three of these stories. This is the third in a series of three.
This one was also in the town of Guarda la vaca. A couple of my friends and I had taken to strolling casually through the town without our flash lights. We’d been warned about sudden power outages but were skeptical at how dark it could possibly get. So there we were in the middle of nowhere just the three of us when every single light in the entire town went down. We froze for a good 10 minutes thinking the generators would kick in sooner or later but nothing. Absolutely nothing. It was funny actually because the darkness silenced us. We were paralyzed and didn’t know how to react. We couldn’t keep walking because we couldn’t see a single thing. It was so dark we had to flail our arms in the air to find each other. So we sat down on the floor holding hands and almost started hyperventilating when we heard the stray dogs barking. Seconds later we hear a calming voice. A man who must have been in his 60’s and had sensed how scared we were. I guess he took it upon himself to “protect” us as it were. This man talked for an equivalent of 30 minutes in Italian to us about all sorts of things like the revolution, napoleon, and the first aircrafts. The fact that we understood a big chunk of what he was talking about when none of us had ever spoken a single word of Italian in our lives is a testament to humanities ability to identify and empathize with each other. A testament to the notion that the existence of a language barrier is irrelevant when it comes to emotion. We were distressed, he offered us comfort and we accepted and on that basis as people, irrelevant to race, creed, or gender we connected. When the lights came back on we thanked him and walked off to which he responded “ciao Bella”.
This one was also in the town of Guarda la vaca. A couple of my friends and I had taken to strolling casually through the town without our flash lights. We’d been warned about sudden power outages but were skeptical at how dark it could possibly get. So there we were in the middle of nowhere just the three of us when every single light in the entire town went down. We froze for a good 10 minutes thinking the generators would kick in sooner or later but nothing. Absolutely nothing. It was funny actually because the darkness silenced us. We were paralyzed and didn’t know how to react. We couldn’t keep walking because we couldn’t see a single thing. It was so dark we had to flail our arms in the air to find each other. So we sat down on the floor holding hands and almost started hyperventilating when we heard the stray dogs barking. Seconds later we hear a calming voice. A man who must have been in his 60’s and had sensed how scared we were. I guess he took it upon himself to “protect” us as it were. This man talked for an equivalent of 30 minutes in Italian to us about all sorts of things like the revolution, napoleon, and the first aircrafts. The fact that we understood a big chunk of what he was talking about when none of us had ever spoken a single word of Italian in our lives is a testament to humanities ability to identify and empathize with each other. A testament to the notion that the existence of a language barrier is irrelevant when it comes to emotion. We were distressed, he offered us comfort and we accepted and on that basis as people, irrelevant to race, creed, or gender we connected. When the lights came back on we thanked him and walked off to which he responded “ciao Bella”.
Monday, May 29, 2006
a 100,000,000,000,000,001 questions.
I’ve been meaning to do this for ages but alas my picture is still mounted next to both the words procrastinator and lazy-ass in the dictionary. Seeing as how Kareem’s if these bloggers met Has managed to plaster a smile a cross my face for its sheer brilliance and imagination. So here it is in homage to the truth by Kareem.
So here’s my bit.
1) Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as your dinner guest? As your close friend? As your lover?
Dinner guest: Bono the man is inspiration packaged in the sexiest raspy voice. He’s not only doing the super star thing but he’s making a difference. I want to hear all about it.
Close friend: Stewy from the family guy. He defines the words motasharid, sarcastic ,funny and cute.
Lover: Van Gogh. Any man that sees the world in such magnificent beauty and can express himself that immaculately and all the while sacrifice a body part to prove his love is definitely my cup of tea.
2) Would you be willing to reduce your life expectancy by five years to become extremely attractive?
Superficiality is the way of the world so count me in as long as I’m given some kind of written guarantee that ’d be able to use my powers for good instead of evil.
3) Would you rather spend a month on vacation with your parents or put in overtime at your current job for four weeks without extra compensation?
With my parents any day, they’re totally cool!
4) When did you last cry by yourself? In front of another person?
I haven’t cried in a while actually… I can’t even remember! WTF? Does that mean I’m happy now? No I must be missing something somewhere! I’ll have to check my notes and get back to this one later.
5) If 100 people your age were chosen at random, how many do you think you’d find leading a more satisfying life than yours?
Hmmm let’s see. .Satisfying in my opinion of from theirs? It’s subjective. From where I’m standing maybe 57%.
6) If you had the choice of one intimate soul mate and no other close friends, or of no such soul mate and many friends and acquaintances, which would you choose?I think I’d pick soul mate. All it takes is one other person willing to blow bubbles out the window with you for it to be a royally good time.
7) Do you think your friends would agree with one another about the kind of person you are?
I think so. I don’t think I could hide emotions to save my life.
8) Would you prefer to be blind or deaf?Seeing as how I always end up pulling the wrong dollar bill out of my wallet at the Timy’s line and to add insult to injury never fail to end up on the wrong floor when I attempt to use my self acquired Braille skills I think I’ll take my chances with lip reading.
9) How many of your friendships have lasted more than ten years? Which of your current friends do you feel will still be important to you ten years from now?
My Ethiopian chica Ayood. I hope all the ones I have now will still be important to me now, a year from now and a decade later.
10) If you could mould to your liking your memories of any past experience, would you do so?
Don’t we do this already? Help me out cerise.
11) Would you be content with a marriage of the highest quality in all respects but one – it completely lacked sex?
If a marriage of the highest quality encompasses passion then yes out with the sex., but If not then not.
12) If you were happily married, and then met someone you felt was certain to always bring you deeply passionate, intoxicating love, would you leave your spouse? What if you had kids?
The mere fact that you’re considering other people is an indication of not being satisfied. If I’m with him then I see only him allowing for other possibilities is a mess waiting to happen. I am not happy I discuss the situation and try to come to a mutual agreement if all else fails leave the poor guy then look for deeply passionate intoxicating love.
13) Relative of the population at large? How do you rate your physical attractiveness? Your intelligence? Your personality?
I thin I’m ok looking not butt ugly and not gorgeous so I’d say average. My intelligence would have to be a tad above the relative population and personality well I don’t know everyone obviously thinks they’re grand so you’ll have to ask someone who knows me I guess.
14)If you could script the basic plot for the dream you will have tonight, what would the story be?
Around the world in 80 mins, matrix style. I get to go there, experience it, live it and have the rest of it fed into my brain the way Neo did.
elakh elakh elakh..
So here’s my bit.
1) Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as your dinner guest? As your close friend? As your lover?
Dinner guest: Bono the man is inspiration packaged in the sexiest raspy voice. He’s not only doing the super star thing but he’s making a difference. I want to hear all about it.
Close friend: Stewy from the family guy. He defines the words motasharid, sarcastic ,funny and cute.
Lover: Van Gogh. Any man that sees the world in such magnificent beauty and can express himself that immaculately and all the while sacrifice a body part to prove his love is definitely my cup of tea.
2) Would you be willing to reduce your life expectancy by five years to become extremely attractive?
Superficiality is the way of the world so count me in as long as I’m given some kind of written guarantee that ’d be able to use my powers for good instead of evil.
3) Would you rather spend a month on vacation with your parents or put in overtime at your current job for four weeks without extra compensation?
With my parents any day, they’re totally cool!
4) When did you last cry by yourself? In front of another person?
I haven’t cried in a while actually… I can’t even remember! WTF? Does that mean I’m happy now? No I must be missing something somewhere! I’ll have to check my notes and get back to this one later.
5) If 100 people your age were chosen at random, how many do you think you’d find leading a more satisfying life than yours?
Hmmm let’s see. .Satisfying in my opinion of from theirs? It’s subjective. From where I’m standing maybe 57%.
6) If you had the choice of one intimate soul mate and no other close friends, or of no such soul mate and many friends and acquaintances, which would you choose?I think I’d pick soul mate. All it takes is one other person willing to blow bubbles out the window with you for it to be a royally good time.
7) Do you think your friends would agree with one another about the kind of person you are?
I think so. I don’t think I could hide emotions to save my life.
8) Would you prefer to be blind or deaf?Seeing as how I always end up pulling the wrong dollar bill out of my wallet at the Timy’s line and to add insult to injury never fail to end up on the wrong floor when I attempt to use my self acquired Braille skills I think I’ll take my chances with lip reading.
9) How many of your friendships have lasted more than ten years? Which of your current friends do you feel will still be important to you ten years from now?
My Ethiopian chica Ayood. I hope all the ones I have now will still be important to me now, a year from now and a decade later.
10) If you could mould to your liking your memories of any past experience, would you do so?
Don’t we do this already? Help me out cerise.
11) Would you be content with a marriage of the highest quality in all respects but one – it completely lacked sex?
If a marriage of the highest quality encompasses passion then yes out with the sex., but If not then not.
12) If you were happily married, and then met someone you felt was certain to always bring you deeply passionate, intoxicating love, would you leave your spouse? What if you had kids?
The mere fact that you’re considering other people is an indication of not being satisfied. If I’m with him then I see only him allowing for other possibilities is a mess waiting to happen. I am not happy I discuss the situation and try to come to a mutual agreement if all else fails leave the poor guy then look for deeply passionate intoxicating love.
13) Relative of the population at large? How do you rate your physical attractiveness? Your intelligence? Your personality?
I thin I’m ok looking not butt ugly and not gorgeous so I’d say average. My intelligence would have to be a tad above the relative population and personality well I don’t know everyone obviously thinks they’re grand so you’ll have to ask someone who knows me I guess.
14)If you could script the basic plot for the dream you will have tonight, what would the story be?
Around the world in 80 mins, matrix style. I get to go there, experience it, live it and have the rest of it fed into my brain the way Neo did.
elakh elakh elakh..
Sunday, May 28, 2006
Single Serving Friend 2
It’s amazing how a single encounter with a person can linger in your memory for ages after a brief but significant exchange of pleasantries. I have had a decent number of these in my life, each of which has taught me a lesson I keep safely tucked deep inside, but I want to share three of these stories. This is the second in a series of three.
I met my second Single Serving Friend in Cuba on the beach. We’d arrived to the town of Guarda la Vaca the day before and were given a tour of the local school at which we’d be teaching the following morning. Coming from a third world country and having seen extreme poverty on many occasions I was surprised to find that even I was taken back by the living and learning conditions. Children lined the gravel court yard of the school with handed down hand me downs. Many had no shoes on and the ones that did had holes in them. They lined up and sang the national anthem in perfect unison with heads held high. They were not ashamed of the state their clothes were in or that the notebooks they were carrying around had been used by an older sibling. One after the next they sang songs with no commonality except the words Fidel and Cuba. When the presentation was over they charged towards us planting each and every one of us with a kiss on the cheek and a pamphlet printed on make shift paper with ink smudges with a type set that was far from centered. Some kids had desks on which they stood because they had no chairs while others sat and wrote on their laps because they had no desks. They shrilled in ecstatic joy when we announced that we had pizza and cola for everyone. The pizza and cola cost us approximately $3 dollars/ person an amount of money we later learned was a whole month's salary for most families. After a day at the school we decided to head to the beach where we met a woman in her 20s. The woman was dressed in clothes obviously falling apart due to wear and tear. She had sewn the holes in her garment and carried herself with a sense of pride. Her hair was neatly tied back and her fingernails perfectly clean but with obvious cracks and chips on her finger tips from what I assumed was washing dishes. She held in her hand a single bright orange of which she had peeled and gave pieces of it to us and her son as she spoke. She explained that she’d lived all her life in this little town and that though communism was an amazing idea on paper its realization comes with many short comings. She went on to tell us that she works all day and attempts to study at night and that she’d been saving up for months and months to be buy something of value for her son who was now engaged in a game of tag with the crashing waves on the beach. She explained that it was very important for her to give him something she thought would make all that she does tolerable. That if she could give him something that would bring a smile to his face then that expression itself would be worth it all. She told us about her wages and about how she sometimes had to borrow money from her sister to pay rent and how all that didn’t hinder her plight in obtaining the gift she got him. It's his birthday today she said with a gleeful smile. With curiosity getting the best of me and chewing on a not so succulent slice of her orange I asked her what she ended up getting her son. She shrugged the question off at first but with a little persuasion she let the cat out of the bag. She'd gotten her child a Florida orange. And just like that her unsurpassed kindness allowed me to eat half the orange without a second thought as though the mere fact that she'd attained her goal would suffice to melt away all the hardship she'd faced to get to it.
I met my second Single Serving Friend in Cuba on the beach. We’d arrived to the town of Guarda la Vaca the day before and were given a tour of the local school at which we’d be teaching the following morning. Coming from a third world country and having seen extreme poverty on many occasions I was surprised to find that even I was taken back by the living and learning conditions. Children lined the gravel court yard of the school with handed down hand me downs. Many had no shoes on and the ones that did had holes in them. They lined up and sang the national anthem in perfect unison with heads held high. They were not ashamed of the state their clothes were in or that the notebooks they were carrying around had been used by an older sibling. One after the next they sang songs with no commonality except the words Fidel and Cuba. When the presentation was over they charged towards us planting each and every one of us with a kiss on the cheek and a pamphlet printed on make shift paper with ink smudges with a type set that was far from centered. Some kids had desks on which they stood because they had no chairs while others sat and wrote on their laps because they had no desks. They shrilled in ecstatic joy when we announced that we had pizza and cola for everyone. The pizza and cola cost us approximately $3 dollars/ person an amount of money we later learned was a whole month's salary for most families. After a day at the school we decided to head to the beach where we met a woman in her 20s. The woman was dressed in clothes obviously falling apart due to wear and tear. She had sewn the holes in her garment and carried herself with a sense of pride. Her hair was neatly tied back and her fingernails perfectly clean but with obvious cracks and chips on her finger tips from what I assumed was washing dishes. She held in her hand a single bright orange of which she had peeled and gave pieces of it to us and her son as she spoke. She explained that she’d lived all her life in this little town and that though communism was an amazing idea on paper its realization comes with many short comings. She went on to tell us that she works all day and attempts to study at night and that she’d been saving up for months and months to be buy something of value for her son who was now engaged in a game of tag with the crashing waves on the beach. She explained that it was very important for her to give him something she thought would make all that she does tolerable. That if she could give him something that would bring a smile to his face then that expression itself would be worth it all. She told us about her wages and about how she sometimes had to borrow money from her sister to pay rent and how all that didn’t hinder her plight in obtaining the gift she got him. It's his birthday today she said with a gleeful smile. With curiosity getting the best of me and chewing on a not so succulent slice of her orange I asked her what she ended up getting her son. She shrugged the question off at first but with a little persuasion she let the cat out of the bag. She'd gotten her child a Florida orange. And just like that her unsurpassed kindness allowed me to eat half the orange without a second thought as though the mere fact that she'd attained her goal would suffice to melt away all the hardship she'd faced to get to it.
Friday, May 26, 2006
Single Serving Friend 1
It’s amazing how a single encounter with a person can linger in your memory for ages after a brief but significant exchange of pleasantries. I have had a decent number of these in my life, each of which has taught me a lesson I keep safely tucked deep inside, but I want to share three of these stories. This is the first in a series of three.
The First and most recent was set in a college hallway filled with lockers that at some point in my life seemed a lot larger than they were that day. I’d finished writing an exam at about 9:00 that I’d started writing at 6:30 and was waiting for Farah of Caution: Keep out of the reach of children to give me a lift home when I noticed, pacing the hallways, an extremely good looking Caucasian man. He was tall, cinnamon tanned, cleanly shaven, broad, totally casually trendy, with perfectly placed bleach blonde hair and the most gorgeous pair of green eyes I’d ever seen. For as far as I can remember I’ve never ever been attracted to the surfer guy look. All my encounters with the type have thus far proven unworthy of mention. It’s my experience that they’re so far removed from the type of conversation I enjoy engaging in that I unintentionally find myself steering clear of any such circumstance. I’d seen this guy at our last class briefly when he dropped in for a couple of minutes then disappeared at break and so, with absolutely nothing better to do, I plopped myself down on the floor in front of him and asked him why he hadn’t written the exam. He casually responds “I arrived at 7:30 and I’ve just always been told, growing up, that it’s rude to interrupt a class once it has begun. That’s why I’m out here. I’m waiting for the professor to finish so I can explain to him that I couldn’t interrupt. I just hope he’ll empathize with me and appreciate my reason.” I chuckled and looked at him and said “you know what?! That’s pure genius. I’ve never heard that one before. It might just work then sneaky you can have an extra week to study!” The poor guy was mortified and smiled uncomfortably then said “I’m not kidding I’m serious.” At this point I’m back peddling like no tomorrow wracking my brains trying to find something to tension you could cut with a knife when I come up with: “So where exactly did you go to school? That’s so bizarre and sounds a little militant. I imagine you came away with loads of stories to tell?” We start talking and it turns out he went to the same private school I went to and so I was eventually able to salvage the conversation by poking fun. Just when I think I’m safe and in the shallow end of the pool, Hot White Guy hits me with another jaw dropper. He’s social. He’s got a sense of humor, doesn’t think I ride a camel to work, and above all keeps the conversation going. He asks all sorts of questions one of which was are you doing this full time or part time. I respond and throw the question back at him only to have him proclaim that he’s taking 5 courses. At this point I’m a little confused and thinking surely he knows that the few months of summer we do get are a rare precious commodity in this god forsaken frigid land. “But how do you expect to keep that cinnamon tan of yours going without the beach and all the partying that goes along with it?” He chuckles and explains that he’s not much for parties and that he’d rather do other things than get drunk. “I just want to get my ducks in a row and have my head on straight. I read and play golf” I’m completely dumb founded because without talking to him I wouldn’t have for one second taken him for an extremely polite guy then he tells me he doesn’t like getting drunk, reads and wants to get his head straight? Do such people exist?! Just as he finishes his sentence Farah and the professor step out and so we both get up off the ground and he tells the professor he needs to speak to him and naturally expecting that to be the end of our conversation I start to walk away when he steps back a couple of steps and says “I’m Gerald. It was nice talking to you” And just like that, with a few sentences Gerald has eternally become imprinted in my list of people I’ll always remember. It’s not that I’ve never met a really nice perfect stranger before but it’s my reaction and intake that has me all weirded out. It’s the fact that, as D insightfully pointed out, I was stereotyping. And though I certainly will not allow myself to do it on a conscious level it is insightful to learn that many people might, just as did, maybe doing it intentionally. I think on some level or another grand sweeping generalizations like: I’m not like the rest of the world I never stereotype, All pretty people are dumb as a door knob, All North Americans are ignorant and unaware of the world beyond their continent and all Canadian people think getting drunk is equated with a good time are just that. Sweeping generalizations are a based on faulty logic that just make people feel comfortable and safe. Gerald solidified the notion that to every rule there is an exception and taught me that even the watch dogs need watching.
The First and most recent was set in a college hallway filled with lockers that at some point in my life seemed a lot larger than they were that day. I’d finished writing an exam at about 9:00 that I’d started writing at 6:30 and was waiting for Farah of Caution: Keep out of the reach of children to give me a lift home when I noticed, pacing the hallways, an extremely good looking Caucasian man. He was tall, cinnamon tanned, cleanly shaven, broad, totally casually trendy, with perfectly placed bleach blonde hair and the most gorgeous pair of green eyes I’d ever seen. For as far as I can remember I’ve never ever been attracted to the surfer guy look. All my encounters with the type have thus far proven unworthy of mention. It’s my experience that they’re so far removed from the type of conversation I enjoy engaging in that I unintentionally find myself steering clear of any such circumstance. I’d seen this guy at our last class briefly when he dropped in for a couple of minutes then disappeared at break and so, with absolutely nothing better to do, I plopped myself down on the floor in front of him and asked him why he hadn’t written the exam. He casually responds “I arrived at 7:30 and I’ve just always been told, growing up, that it’s rude to interrupt a class once it has begun. That’s why I’m out here. I’m waiting for the professor to finish so I can explain to him that I couldn’t interrupt. I just hope he’ll empathize with me and appreciate my reason.” I chuckled and looked at him and said “you know what?! That’s pure genius. I’ve never heard that one before. It might just work then sneaky you can have an extra week to study!” The poor guy was mortified and smiled uncomfortably then said “I’m not kidding I’m serious.” At this point I’m back peddling like no tomorrow wracking my brains trying to find something to tension you could cut with a knife when I come up with: “So where exactly did you go to school? That’s so bizarre and sounds a little militant. I imagine you came away with loads of stories to tell?” We start talking and it turns out he went to the same private school I went to and so I was eventually able to salvage the conversation by poking fun. Just when I think I’m safe and in the shallow end of the pool, Hot White Guy hits me with another jaw dropper. He’s social. He’s got a sense of humor, doesn’t think I ride a camel to work, and above all keeps the conversation going. He asks all sorts of questions one of which was are you doing this full time or part time. I respond and throw the question back at him only to have him proclaim that he’s taking 5 courses. At this point I’m a little confused and thinking surely he knows that the few months of summer we do get are a rare precious commodity in this god forsaken frigid land. “But how do you expect to keep that cinnamon tan of yours going without the beach and all the partying that goes along with it?” He chuckles and explains that he’s not much for parties and that he’d rather do other things than get drunk. “I just want to get my ducks in a row and have my head on straight. I read and play golf” I’m completely dumb founded because without talking to him I wouldn’t have for one second taken him for an extremely polite guy then he tells me he doesn’t like getting drunk, reads and wants to get his head straight? Do such people exist?! Just as he finishes his sentence Farah and the professor step out and so we both get up off the ground and he tells the professor he needs to speak to him and naturally expecting that to be the end of our conversation I start to walk away when he steps back a couple of steps and says “I’m Gerald. It was nice talking to you” And just like that, with a few sentences Gerald has eternally become imprinted in my list of people I’ll always remember. It’s not that I’ve never met a really nice perfect stranger before but it’s my reaction and intake that has me all weirded out. It’s the fact that, as D insightfully pointed out, I was stereotyping. And though I certainly will not allow myself to do it on a conscious level it is insightful to learn that many people might, just as did, maybe doing it intentionally. I think on some level or another grand sweeping generalizations like: I’m not like the rest of the world I never stereotype, All pretty people are dumb as a door knob, All North Americans are ignorant and unaware of the world beyond their continent and all Canadian people think getting drunk is equated with a good time are just that. Sweeping generalizations are a based on faulty logic that just make people feel comfortable and safe. Gerald solidified the notion that to every rule there is an exception and taught me that even the watch dogs need watching.
Tuesday, May 23, 2006
Here's to thinking you're eating shit with a spoon only to discover it was icecream!
It's only when you get your taxes back that you can rejoicefully proclaim "I am the proud survivor of governmental sodomy!"
Monday, May 22, 2006
Punch Drunk Love replaced by this...
"Though your acceptance will thrill me, it does not define me. I am eternally defined by the fact that I am my mother's daughter"
Saturday, May 20, 2006
Twinkle Twinkle little star... how I wonder how old you are.
Stars are illusions of the past and millions of light years away. The twinkling I see tonight might just be history convoluted by space and dementia. The infamous star light star bright may have burned out and faded away eons before I got word. Why was I the last to know?
Wednesday, May 17, 2006
Caution : Keep out of reach of children.
Farah is fair and pretty white for an Arab, well at least on her arms and legs.
She’s in shorts and a T-shirt yesterday and is totally green and blue. If I didn’t know her husband to be a peaceful man I would have thought he hit her with a wooden plank. I look at her and she shakes her head in shame and embarrassment.
Farah had a sever case of some weird bug that hit a lot of us. You get really hot and dizzy you can’t move a bone and you sleep for hours on end till your meds kick in and you’re good to go.
So I’m curious and ask her: “what happened? I want to know!”
Farah: It was mother’s day and I was totally out of it! I fell asleep in the room with the kids after they’d dragged me out of my bed because they wanted to spend time with me.
I lay down on their bed as they watched a movie.
In between consciousness and out of it I felt them massaging my arms and legs. It was heavenly… you know how you like to be pampered when you’re sick right? I remember thinking they’re dad must have given them the idea.
Me: Mhmm?
Farah: Well I woke up 3 hours to find my self blue and green and red and yellow.
Me: WTF?! What do u mean?
Farah: They colored me in
I so didn’t believe her. I kept looking at her with awe and disbelief.
She hung her head again and said : I’m dead serious. They colored me in.
Check out my tummy… my back… she points at her heel and a part of her calf it’s a good thing this part was in red. It washed away nicely but the blue and the green stuck.
AND this would be why you take labels seriously and keep the damn paints out of reach of children!
She’s in shorts and a T-shirt yesterday and is totally green and blue. If I didn’t know her husband to be a peaceful man I would have thought he hit her with a wooden plank. I look at her and she shakes her head in shame and embarrassment.
Farah had a sever case of some weird bug that hit a lot of us. You get really hot and dizzy you can’t move a bone and you sleep for hours on end till your meds kick in and you’re good to go.
So I’m curious and ask her: “what happened? I want to know!”
Farah: It was mother’s day and I was totally out of it! I fell asleep in the room with the kids after they’d dragged me out of my bed because they wanted to spend time with me.
I lay down on their bed as they watched a movie.
In between consciousness and out of it I felt them massaging my arms and legs. It was heavenly… you know how you like to be pampered when you’re sick right? I remember thinking they’re dad must have given them the idea.
Me: Mhmm?
Farah: Well I woke up 3 hours to find my self blue and green and red and yellow.
Me: WTF?! What do u mean?
Farah: They colored me in
I so didn’t believe her. I kept looking at her with awe and disbelief.
She hung her head again and said : I’m dead serious. They colored me in.
Check out my tummy… my back… she points at her heel and a part of her calf it’s a good thing this part was in red. It washed away nicely but the blue and the green stuck.
AND this would be why you take labels seriously and keep the damn paints out of reach of children!
An amusing rating of 3 on a scale from 1-10
A couple of days back, Irma la douce comes into the office extra chipper. She had that look of, I’ve met the perfect man, in her eyes. So naturally, after last time’s extremely entertaining story I decided to poke a little.
Me: “Sooooo? do tell do tell!”
Irma: Well, I’m doing my thing last night when I come across “date a millionaire”
I scrunch up my eyebrows and peer over the top of my glasses in full out 2abla il nazra fashion.
Irma gives me a shrug of the shoulders and a cheeky smile. She knows I’m only teasing and purposely tantalizing by not giving her an excuse to tell me. I giggle back at her and bring in my shoulders mimicking a wee fat kid’s anticipation and excitement at the suggestion of cake.
Irma’s eyes light up and she begins.
Irma: So this website has all these millionaire men in their 40’s who are looking for love. There is this one message I sent a hello to ages ago. He’s too cute for words, extremely good looking. So he msgs me last night and we chat for hours Sand-e! Hours!
He’s in South Africa on business and he seems so genuine. Completely open about everything and how he feels. He’s just too good to be true.
Irma being a divorcee, with 2 kids and loads of life experience knows that my relationship advice would be extremely naive and so consults with an Egyptian/Lebanese ghada.
Ghada warns irma telling her he’s too good to be true and that the internet is risky blah blah blah.
The next day Irma announces she has pictures of her dream guy. Naturally excited Ghada and I ask to see the million dollar man. Let me just tell you… He is by far the hottest older man I’ve ever seen! Tall dark haired brown eyes a defined jaw line amazing hands very well dressed slightly tanned. He looks like a fair Greek or a dark Italian. But mmm mm mmm yummy! So we’re’ all excited for Irma and Ghada is thinking about how to break the news to her husband so she can run away with million dollar man and steal Irmas dream.. while Irma is marking her territory telling her he’s hers.
Days go by and no word on hot millionare guy.
So today I ask
And she answers completely nonchalantly oh : he’s not what he said he was.
He’s not on business in South Africa he actually lives there.
Me: So? Despite the Atlantic and the heavy accent I think it would be pretty cool to hook up with someone from there.
Irma: Yeah but he’s not Greek or Italian not on business and not 45.Me: oh? Where is he from then?
Irma : South Africa, he’s not a millionaire he lives with his parents. He sent me a model’s picture. And here’s the kicker he’s 22.
Me: “Sooooo? do tell do tell!”
Irma: Well, I’m doing my thing last night when I come across “date a millionaire”
I scrunch up my eyebrows and peer over the top of my glasses in full out 2abla il nazra fashion.
Irma gives me a shrug of the shoulders and a cheeky smile. She knows I’m only teasing and purposely tantalizing by not giving her an excuse to tell me. I giggle back at her and bring in my shoulders mimicking a wee fat kid’s anticipation and excitement at the suggestion of cake.
Irma’s eyes light up and she begins.
Irma: So this website has all these millionaire men in their 40’s who are looking for love. There is this one message I sent a hello to ages ago. He’s too cute for words, extremely good looking. So he msgs me last night and we chat for hours Sand-e! Hours!
He’s in South Africa on business and he seems so genuine. Completely open about everything and how he feels. He’s just too good to be true.
Irma being a divorcee, with 2 kids and loads of life experience knows that my relationship advice would be extremely naive and so consults with an Egyptian/Lebanese ghada.
Ghada warns irma telling her he’s too good to be true and that the internet is risky blah blah blah.
The next day Irma announces she has pictures of her dream guy. Naturally excited Ghada and I ask to see the million dollar man. Let me just tell you… He is by far the hottest older man I’ve ever seen! Tall dark haired brown eyes a defined jaw line amazing hands very well dressed slightly tanned. He looks like a fair Greek or a dark Italian. But mmm mm mmm yummy! So we’re’ all excited for Irma and Ghada is thinking about how to break the news to her husband so she can run away with million dollar man and steal Irmas dream.. while Irma is marking her territory telling her he’s hers.
Days go by and no word on hot millionare guy.
So today I ask
And she answers completely nonchalantly oh : he’s not what he said he was.
He’s not on business in South Africa he actually lives there.
Me: So? Despite the Atlantic and the heavy accent I think it would be pretty cool to hook up with someone from there.
Irma: Yeah but he’s not Greek or Italian not on business and not 45.Me: oh? Where is he from then?
Irma : South Africa, he’s not a millionaire he lives with his parents. He sent me a model’s picture. And here’s the kicker he’s 22.
Lama the Emu!
Today is Lama, Lamoushka, lolo,lamloom or Lama the emu’s b-day and so I’ve decided to share with the world why I love her to pieces. Thought there are a million more reasons I figure 20 should be the gist of things.
1) She’s a sweetheart
2) She’s got this dreamy realism to her that allows her to dream, hope and aspire but at the same time keeps her grounded
3) She’s extremely easy to talk to and entirely un-intimidating
4) She’s got this zeal and hunger to make which totally inspires me in the subtlest ways.
5) She for some reason attempts to hide this drive and will deny to the death.
6) She’s got this insecurity about her that makes her both extremely human but and easy to love but should the need arise she’ll stand up for her self and put you in your place.
7) She giggles in little bunches and sounds like a toddler who knows she’s cute
8) She’s got an inexplicable obsession with Bridget Jones and pride and predjudice’s Mr. Darcy. (well maybe totally explicable in the Mr. Darcy’s case)
9) She’s all about the Harry potter and the lining up for the Harry potter.
10) She’s got this ability to make people think she’s clueless but has it all figured out
11) She really listens and takes her surroundings in learning from the world around her and other peoples’ stories and mistakes.
12) She’s sheltered in ways she absolutely can not fathom but isn’t ill equipped by it.
13) She’s got the cutest button nose, pretty silky hair and a coochi cooo thumbs.
14) She’s always impeccably on time
15) She shrugs off things that bug her with a smile but will let you know she’s pissed with what she thinks are the subtlest hints (dude… might be subtle to the world but I’m onto you!)
16) She’s got a fetish for green eyes and fair skin and considering the fact that she’s surrounded by blondes I find this completely mind-boggling but cute and quirky.
17) She’s got an attachment to family in a way that’s extremely rare these days.
18) She secretly hates me for talking her out of taking her camera into the Amr Diab concert but is too nice to let me have it.
19) She’s got the best ability I’ve seen to fake being a reporter.
20) Last but not least as Dee put it “...it's cute she is very excited. I guess the fear of age hasn't caught up with her.”
Happy birthday Lama the Emu!
1) She’s a sweetheart
2) She’s got this dreamy realism to her that allows her to dream, hope and aspire but at the same time keeps her grounded
3) She’s extremely easy to talk to and entirely un-intimidating
4) She’s got this zeal and hunger to make which totally inspires me in the subtlest ways.
5) She for some reason attempts to hide this drive and will deny to the death.
6) She’s got this insecurity about her that makes her both extremely human but and easy to love but should the need arise she’ll stand up for her self and put you in your place.
7) She giggles in little bunches and sounds like a toddler who knows she’s cute
8) She’s got an inexplicable obsession with Bridget Jones and pride and predjudice’s Mr. Darcy. (well maybe totally explicable in the Mr. Darcy’s case)
9) She’s all about the Harry potter and the lining up for the Harry potter.
10) She’s got this ability to make people think she’s clueless but has it all figured out
11) She really listens and takes her surroundings in learning from the world around her and other peoples’ stories and mistakes.
12) She’s sheltered in ways she absolutely can not fathom but isn’t ill equipped by it.
13) She’s got the cutest button nose, pretty silky hair and a coochi cooo thumbs.
14) She’s always impeccably on time
15) She shrugs off things that bug her with a smile but will let you know she’s pissed with what she thinks are the subtlest hints (dude… might be subtle to the world but I’m onto you!)
16) She’s got a fetish for green eyes and fair skin and considering the fact that she’s surrounded by blondes I find this completely mind-boggling but cute and quirky.
17) She’s got an attachment to family in a way that’s extremely rare these days.
18) She secretly hates me for talking her out of taking her camera into the Amr Diab concert but is too nice to let me have it.
19) She’s got the best ability I’ve seen to fake being a reporter.
20) Last but not least as Dee put it “...it's cute she is very excited. I guess the fear of age hasn't caught up with her.”
Happy birthday Lama the Emu!
Tuesday, May 16, 2006
Legalizing prostitution is Genius.
So like Holland, but not as notorious is Germany’s legalization of prostitution. Hosting the FIFA world cup in June Germany has had four years to get itself ready for the surge of football fans. Aside from the fact that some of their advertisement has extremely offended Saudi Arabia and Iran, I think the idea is pure genius.
When a country’s government is secular then the logic just falls into place.
Create laws that prohibit pimping and you protect women/men from being forced into the industry and from taken advantage of. Regulate the business, enforce licensing and mandatory health regulations and you protect the client from both “scandal” and health concerns. Charge a tax for the service and the government can get a piece of the action and all the while the economy reaps the benefits. Unemployment drops, violence drops, crime drops and I’m certain 7erman related kalakee3 (deprivation related issues) also diminish. With that said, Germany, Switzerland, New Zealand, Netherlands, Australia, Turkey, Canada, Bulgaria, Sweden, Brazil and Costa Rica have all tuned into the blatant fact that prostitution is a service that is in demand and can not be stopped. It amuses me to learn that vaginal prostitution is illegal in Japan while fellatio isn’t, the words open-air girl market are actually used to described a sex sook (market) and last but not least that “lot lizards” are prostitutes that serve the trucker clientele.
Now here is a fabulous thought and question:
When a country’s government is secular then the logic just falls into place.
Create laws that prohibit pimping and you protect women/men from being forced into the industry and from taken advantage of. Regulate the business, enforce licensing and mandatory health regulations and you protect the client from both “scandal” and health concerns. Charge a tax for the service and the government can get a piece of the action and all the while the economy reaps the benefits. Unemployment drops, violence drops, crime drops and I’m certain 7erman related kalakee3 (deprivation related issues) also diminish. With that said, Germany, Switzerland, New Zealand, Netherlands, Australia, Turkey, Canada, Bulgaria, Sweden, Brazil and Costa Rica have all tuned into the blatant fact that prostitution is a service that is in demand and can not be stopped. It amuses me to learn that vaginal prostitution is illegal in Japan while fellatio isn’t, the words open-air girl market are actually used to described a sex sook (market) and last but not least that “lot lizards” are prostitutes that serve the trucker clientele.
Now here is a fabulous thought and question:
The United States is rooted on freedom of speech, religion and trade. The first
two are specifically mentioned early on within The Constitution. Those
inalienable rights are not given to us by The Constitution, but are instead
protected by it. So why violate the premise by prohibiting relations between
consenting adults?
Monday, May 15, 2006
Buildings and bikes
The Fairmont adorned in
loads and loads of gold leaf.
The skywalk to the skydome
These wheels are
made for riding.
A play with percpective
A face off between the old
and the new
Light and its magnificent
ambient manipulation
Sunday, May 14, 2006
Gua Sha
Three Seasons also provoked my curiosity about what, I later discovered, was called Gua Sha. In one scene of the movie a character collapses on the ground after being exposed to emotional stress. At this point, the subject of the character’s self denied affection rubs her back with the edge of a spoon in a pattern similar to picture until it turned an irritated red. The woman appears to be enjoying the somewhat orgasmic experience. She falls asleep and awakes the next morning utterly refreshed and seemingly cured from all her stress. This is called Gua Sha. It is an ancient therapeutic practise that began in china centuries ago used to treat and prevent acute conditions such as the common cold or flu, asthma, bronchitis as well as chronic problems involving pain and congestion. Gua means to scrape or rub and Sha is a reddish elevated skin rash that results from the rubbing with a ceramic spoon. It is my understanding that it works based on the assumption that massaging the skin promotes blood circulation and provokes toxins in the body to rise to the skins surface in the form of a rash. Increased blood flow to an affected area means more antibodies to fix the mess. So in essence Gua Sha is the process that provokes the body to cure itself. I’m not extremely convinced by all this it's a little too S & M for my personal taste but million dollar bet says: some North American is getting googly eyed at the prospect of a cure for some hardcore disease. And, quick as a flash, Gua Sha might just replace the present fascination with acupuncture.
3 Seasons
This weekend’s delight was a poignant Vietnamese movie that was fundamentally based on a collection of four stories. It is set in Saigon and explores each character’s struggle to survive. It is one character’s particular struggle that struck a particular chord. It revolves around the premise that being surrounded by crowds of people does not necessarily mean you are not isolated. The pleasantries are exchanged and the face is beautifully adorned with fake smiles but all the while the soul is etiolated by its desire to be enraptured.
Friday, May 12, 2006
عوم وتمختر... عوم وتمختر
My mother finally up and gave in to letting me drive her car back from a friend’s house today on the sole condition that I put gas in it for her. I love to drive so I fully welcomed the idea and off I went on my merry way to the gas station. I stopped off at a convenience to grab some big mama Joe M&M’s to satisfy my sweet tooth. I stroll into the store browse the various candy and chocolate bars stacked nicely on the shelves, get my package and head for the counter when something catches my eye… I was in mid process (of looking) when I caught myself thinking… WTF?! I so shouldn’t be looking there! I will not do what guys do! I can’t look… and attempt to distract myself by bending slightly to grab a pack of gum. Just I’m about to straighten my back the man reaches for it and wiggles it a bit. At this point I’m fully up right and he’s got a smirk on his face like “you know I’m the man”. All of a sudden I feel this rush of blood that shoots straight to my brain and my face is instantly as bright as a tomato. I naturally attempted to avoid eye contact at all costs and pretended like nothing was ari. The man takes his receipt and leaves the store. The guy at the counter looks at me with this look in his eyes like “what a jerk” and I smile in agreement then he goes “I don’t know why they do that! The cops ALWAYS come in here with their guns showing them off trying to scare people” and I go “was he wearing a gun? I didn’t notice.”
Guy at counter: “he was fully grabbing it! You must have seen it!”
Me: “well whatcha gonna do when you live in a zoo? Anywhoots u be good… night night”
I start to walk away, and unintentionally think out loud “get your mind out of the gutter Sand-e! Awwwt OF ZEEE gutter!” And In the true spirit of a cheesy armature movie I almost heard the dinging noise of the bells going off in the counter guy’s head as he made sense of it all and started to laugh hysterically. At this point I did what any sane 20 something year old woman my age would do. I sang “just keep swimming.. just keep swimming... عوم وتمختر... عوم وتمختر ”
Guy at counter: “he was fully grabbing it! You must have seen it!”
Me: “well whatcha gonna do when you live in a zoo? Anywhoots u be good… night night”
I start to walk away, and unintentionally think out loud “get your mind out of the gutter Sand-e! Awwwt OF ZEEE gutter!” And In the true spirit of a cheesy armature movie I almost heard the dinging noise of the bells going off in the counter guy’s head as he made sense of it all and started to laugh hysterically. At this point I did what any sane 20 something year old woman my age would do. I sang “just keep swimming.. just keep swimming... عوم وتمختر... عوم وتمختر ”
And you thought the bubblys only came in champagne
For those of you who thought the remote control was the ultimate in laziness I have two words for you “Pre-lathered soap”
I know that at this point I should go into a rant about how our society is going to the outhouse and we’re getting lazier and lazier by the minute but I’m loving the stuff. It’s soft it’s creamy it smells nice and minimizes globs of unused soap in the sink. I imagine it’s profusely cost efficient and better for the environment as well. Dial soap advertises its bubbly scented goodness under the assumption that “few people are really good at lathering” and just in case you’re wondering how to do it right… viola:
So soap, apparently around since Babylonian times(2800 BC), is basically some kind of an oil/ fat mixed with sodium hydroxide.
Are you getting visuals of Tyler Durden and Edward Norton stealing fat in a large plastic bag from a hospital? Is it all making sense now?
Detergents and soap are called surfactants or surface active agents. They reduce surface tension of water making “water wetter”. As you probably know, water molecules have a tendency to bead up on surfaces. Take away or decrease the molecule’s ability to stick together and you can get water to spread, soak and wet better. If the water can get to more places in combination with its placement and displacement over a garment or hands then the higher its ability to push away unwanted “dirties”.
So there you have it, the basic constituents of soap and how it’s made.
I know that at this point I should go into a rant about how our society is going to the outhouse and we’re getting lazier and lazier by the minute but I’m loving the stuff. It’s soft it’s creamy it smells nice and minimizes globs of unused soap in the sink. I imagine it’s profusely cost efficient and better for the environment as well. Dial soap advertises its bubbly scented goodness under the assumption that “few people are really good at lathering” and just in case you’re wondering how to do it right… viola:
Rub hands together vigorously for about 20 seconds, washing wrists, front and
back of hands, between fingers and under nails. 20 seconds is the equivalent to
one verse of "Happy Birthday" or "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star." Be sure to use a
clean disposable towel to dry hands thoroughly.
So soap, apparently around since Babylonian times(2800 BC), is basically some kind of an oil/ fat mixed with sodium hydroxide.
Are you getting visuals of Tyler Durden and Edward Norton stealing fat in a large plastic bag from a hospital? Is it all making sense now?
Detergents and soap are called surfactants or surface active agents. They reduce surface tension of water making “water wetter”. As you probably know, water molecules have a tendency to bead up on surfaces. Take away or decrease the molecule’s ability to stick together and you can get water to spread, soak and wet better. If the water can get to more places in combination with its placement and displacement over a garment or hands then the higher its ability to push away unwanted “dirties”.
So there you have it, the basic constituents of soap and how it’s made.
Tuesday, May 09, 2006
Life sans Blogger
Just like that... with a flick of some switch a techy decided it was time to take away my life support. I attribute it all to someone's being an illegitimate child of 80's porn but apparently the kosher explanation is control and optimization of government resources.
Solution might be in having to use my powers for good instead of evil and find a way to get him/her laid.
Or perhaps I'll just do a little fun control myself!
Window envelopes... pshhh whatever! a thing of the past... manually write out all your addresses u lazy asses!
Toilet paper, they don't need it they're shit starters anyways I'm taking all of them home!
Mail doesn't need to go in the correct mail slot John from Jane, same stuff different colour, their name cards should read FUGLY.
Good luck getting a paper clip... they'll all be chained together and jammed into my power outlet. how do you like them apples?!?! Techys?!
What am I expected to do now?!? work?!?
Solution might be in having to use my powers for good instead of evil and find a way to get him/her laid.
Or perhaps I'll just do a little fun control myself!
Window envelopes... pshhh whatever! a thing of the past... manually write out all your addresses u lazy asses!
Toilet paper, they don't need it they're shit starters anyways I'm taking all of them home!
Mail doesn't need to go in the correct mail slot John from Jane, same stuff different colour, their name cards should read FUGLY.
Good luck getting a paper clip... they'll all be chained together and jammed into my power outlet. how do you like them apples?!?! Techys?!
What am I expected to do now?!? work?!?
Sunday, May 07, 2006
The Decadance of Shakespeare in Pirouettes, pas de chats, and jetes
Lagniappe:
In lieu of mean spirited verbiage here are some definitions:
Lagniappe- A small gift presented by a storeowner to a customer with the customer's purchase. Also an extra or unexpected gift or benefit
Grandioso- a word that indicates a movement or entire composition is to be played grandly
Crescendo- Is the gradual getting louder of a piece of music
Decrescendo- the opposite of a Crescendo, gradually becoming softer or decreasing in volume.
Legato- a word to indicate a movement, composition of phrase is to be played smoothly.
Leitmotif- A musical theme given to a particular idea or main character of an opera or ballet.
Maestro- Refers to any great composer, conductor, or teacher of music.
Orchestra- A large group of instrumentalists playing together.
Scordatura- The retuning of a stringed instrument in order to play notes below the ordinary range of the instrument or to produce an usual tone color.
----------------------The Entry----------------------------------------
A severe case of chair de poule can only be attributed to grandioso crescendos and decrescendos. The legato slurs of leitmotifs associated with each character's presence on stage. Perhaps the most musically delightful part of the orchestra's performance was the violins played in scordatura. The maestro's passion shook every last hair on his head. The music was flawlessly epicurian!
The dancing on the other hand, not as amazing as one would have hoped but Juliet’s attempt to hold onto Romeo on the morning after they consummate their marriage was an incredible display of human emotion. The way she held onto him and flicked her feet could only be described as elegant stomping.
Would I go to the ballet again? I’d say I much preferred the opera.
In lieu of mean spirited verbiage here are some definitions:
Lagniappe- A small gift presented by a storeowner to a customer with the customer's purchase. Also an extra or unexpected gift or benefit
Grandioso- a word that indicates a movement or entire composition is to be played grandly
Crescendo- Is the gradual getting louder of a piece of music
Decrescendo- the opposite of a Crescendo, gradually becoming softer or decreasing in volume.
Legato- a word to indicate a movement, composition of phrase is to be played smoothly.
Leitmotif- A musical theme given to a particular idea or main character of an opera or ballet.
Maestro- Refers to any great composer, conductor, or teacher of music.
Orchestra- A large group of instrumentalists playing together.
Scordatura- The retuning of a stringed instrument in order to play notes below the ordinary range of the instrument or to produce an usual tone color.
----------------------The Entry----------------------------------------
A severe case of chair de poule can only be attributed to grandioso crescendos and decrescendos. The legato slurs of leitmotifs associated with each character's presence on stage. Perhaps the most musically delightful part of the orchestra's performance was the violins played in scordatura. The maestro's passion shook every last hair on his head. The music was flawlessly epicurian!
The dancing on the other hand, not as amazing as one would have hoped but Juliet’s attempt to hold onto Romeo on the morning after they consummate their marriage was an incredible display of human emotion. The way she held onto him and flicked her feet could only be described as elegant stomping.
Would I go to the ballet again? I’d say I much preferred the opera.
Thursday, May 04, 2006
Cross walks.
The road is empty. Not a car in sight yet we'll all just wait around for the magical white walking man to appear giving us permission to cross the street. My question is this... shouldn't discretion be used? If you're in the middle of bum fuck Idaho with a cow on one side of you and tumble weeds blowing in the horizon, what are the chances that a tractor transporting manure at the furious speed of 30 km/ hour is going to be fast enough to have you knee deep in shite?!
Tuesday, May 02, 2006
Blurkers Rock the Blog World
I am, as Cinimini puts it, a “Blurker”. An avid blog reader who seldom comments. I’ve caught myself hitting the refresh button once or twice, holding my breath and being disappointed when I don’t get another glimpse into the blogger’s inside workings. Each blogger has a personality of their own and it is mind boggling how it shows through their writing. There are those that are blatantly using and abusing the blogsphere to their advantage and those that are a little more subtle. It is the nourishment that feeds some egos, the life lived vicariously through words, a forum at which they can finally be heard and to others it is simply an organization of thought. Wit, intelligence, cynicism, Self confidence, and sarcasim are all just as easily communicated to the reader. A blogger that constantly discusses praise is like a child begging for recognition while another’s bold statements are intended to make a clanking noise among the hum of reason. The loud ones build enemies quickly but fake groupies faster. The quiet ones go unnoticed while those with a sense of humor serve for comedic relief among the sea of politics. It is those that are on neither extreme have proven to be most interesting. They reflect on their daily thoughts and surroundings and if well versed suck you into the moment, into their lives, and sometimes into their head. It is precisely this phenomenon that intrigues me most. It satisfies the urge I get when I walk by an elegant condominium building and wonder how the tenants have made their space theirs… how they’ve manipulated the light and the furniture to give off a certain ambience and feel. Blogs are like the little bubbles that pop up over comic book characters when in deep thought. They’re the ramblings Mel Gibson tuned into in “What A Woman Wants”. That is why they’re comparable to morphine. A quick fix and you’re set. The major problem with blurking is that it makes a profession like pseudo stalking a lot more feasible. Throw out invasion of privacy issues and tada a pepping tom’s utopia without the consequences attached. Faced with technical difficulties when attempting to create a link with a picture as opposed to text I decided to ask for help. Off I went to msn added the one blogger I had a sixth sense would respond immediately and launched into my question as though we’d known each other for ages. Graciously received, I got the answer to my question but was at a loss of words when the inevitable “do I know you?” question surfaced. Reflecting on the situation now I’m thinking smiling smugly and blurting “no but I know you” probably wasn’t the smartest thing to do and I’m sure exponentially accelerated my hole digging. There is no reasonable answer I guess but my answer is simple, I love people watching/reading because it educational. Being removed from a situation and understanding body language, tones, or how people react to stories not only helps me understand myself better but allows me to make sense of the world around me. I’ve gone off on a tangent here but I guess what I want to say is there is no shame in blurking. I Blurk and as far as I’m concerned blurkers rock the blogworld!
Monday, May 01, 2006
Irma the sweet
Irma LaDouce’s off the internet dating adventures have managed to entertain me once again. She was invited on a cruise with her daughter to the thousand islands… on Bert’s boat ironically called “The Ernie”. She’s the tiniest thing and has all this energy about her so she comes in the morning looking like she got a little sun and not as perky as she usually is. So I casually ask how her weekend went and she
goes : Oh it was awful!
N I go: oh? The cruising with the attractive man wasn’t all it was cut out to be?
She goes “oh god... I get on the boat he’s fantastically dressed in a linen suit.. A LINEN SUIT SAND-E do u know how linen catches the wind? Its dreamy! “
I’m looking at Irma a little perplexed… “ aha yea definitely linen and the wind… completely…”
I had no freaking clue what she was on about! Is it a good thing or a bad thing ?
LaDouce: “It was completely white he had everything perfectly matching. Freshly cut flowers everything.
I’m standing there doing the Titanic thing looking in his eyes thinking bout how I want him to kiss me when I notice that his hair isn’t blowing in the wind. It’s a rug! And really Sand-e you know I’m not superficial and yeah ok it’s not the world’s most attractive thing but I think meh… it beats a Donald trump comb over. Then I look closer and I notice he’s got foundation on, the mole on his cheek is penciled in and his eyebrows are plucked to perfection. I’m a little confused by all this but think nothing of it. I lean in to kiss him and he backs off and says.
“‘Irma, what’s my name?”
so I say “bert” and re-lean in to kiss him when he goes “No Irma, my name is Bertha”
HAHAHA poor Irma was nearly in tears when she was telling me the story.
She goes “I haven’t been out of the dating loop that long! How could I not know?”
What do u say to someone who has just been on a cruise with a woman who is in the process of becoming a man but meanwhile is attracted to you?
I hugged laDouce and did the only thing I could do in a situation like this. I lied like a Persian rug! “It’s happened to at least 3 of my mothers friends. They look amazing it’s not your fault honey”
goes : Oh it was awful!
N I go: oh? The cruising with the attractive man wasn’t all it was cut out to be?
She goes “oh god... I get on the boat he’s fantastically dressed in a linen suit.. A LINEN SUIT SAND-E do u know how linen catches the wind? Its dreamy! “
I’m looking at Irma a little perplexed… “ aha yea definitely linen and the wind… completely…”
I had no freaking clue what she was on about! Is it a good thing or a bad thing ?
LaDouce: “It was completely white he had everything perfectly matching. Freshly cut flowers everything.
I’m standing there doing the Titanic thing looking in his eyes thinking bout how I want him to kiss me when I notice that his hair isn’t blowing in the wind. It’s a rug! And really Sand-e you know I’m not superficial and yeah ok it’s not the world’s most attractive thing but I think meh… it beats a Donald trump comb over. Then I look closer and I notice he’s got foundation on, the mole on his cheek is penciled in and his eyebrows are plucked to perfection. I’m a little confused by all this but think nothing of it. I lean in to kiss him and he backs off and says.
“‘Irma, what’s my name?”
so I say “bert” and re-lean in to kiss him when he goes “No Irma, my name is Bertha”
HAHAHA poor Irma was nearly in tears when she was telling me the story.
She goes “I haven’t been out of the dating loop that long! How could I not know?”
What do u say to someone who has just been on a cruise with a woman who is in the process of becoming a man but meanwhile is attracted to you?
I hugged laDouce and did the only thing I could do in a situation like this. I lied like a Persian rug! “It’s happened to at least 3 of my mothers friends. They look amazing it’s not your fault honey”
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